Before I start today…I have an announcement:
I’m sterile.
Actually, that’s old news…but my son ran around the house this morning for some reason screaming:
“STAY AWAY FROM ME! I’M STERILE!”
I have no idea why.
But, hey, son:
When you’re MY age, that actually becomes a SELLING point.
Yeah…I’m lookin’ at YOU, Kate.
Where was I?
Oh..the announcement:
Ed from Ed’s Funny Pages told me that I’d been nominated for ‘Weblog of the Year’ AND ‘Best Humor Blog’ over at the 2010 Bloggies.
I don’t know what that is, but if you vote for me and I win this shit, I’ll make you all royal subjects in my giant.. um.. bloggish.. kingdom.. thingy.
No idea.
So..feel free to swing over if you feel like it and throw me a vote or – if you find a blog that’s better and funnier – you can vote for them up until the point that I hack their site and tear down everything they’ve worked for.
There can only be one king.
Thanks, everyone.
ONWARD!!!
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Pain and Suffering.
Twitter-style.
The latest rage for asshole lazy bloggers is to self-promote themselves by reposting some of their own Twitter Tweets as blog posts.
I am now stooping to this level.
Actually, I’m 5′-2″ tall.
No stooping required. Already there.
Sucks.
Below are some of my very own Tweets that I’ve subjected my 12 followers to.
The skew on this one, though:
All things of my very own pain and suffering.
Enjoy.
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Yep…fucking hand is broken AGAIN. I’d say God hates me, but he did break my non-masturbation hand, so I’m on the fence.
found out this morning that playing “the stranger” with a broken hand leaves a bad case of cast rash on your weenie.
Just tried to wash ass smell off my cast hand. Came out, smelled my hand and said, ‘Ugh..pew.’ Look up…some guy staring at me. Fantastic.
Right now I have a whistling nose booger and am saying “Here comes Thomas!” in an English accent, then making it whistle. Worktime Funtime.
Typo on a flyer at work said they were giving out ‘Flew Shots’ today. Three people have died jumping off the building.
I’m totally not getting H1N1. I’m holding out for H2N2…let them work out the kinks in this one before I dive in headfirst.
Someone asked if Jesus would get a flu shot. I said ‘no’, as he now has an aversion to sharp things piercing his skin. Here I come, Hell
Home sick today. Must rest. Rest = Xbox and porn. Xbox needs to make a porn game. Maybe a better idea for Wii. I’m apparently delusional.
Nightime Cold + Mucinex + two large cups of coffee = dizziness and hallucinations & OMG OMG OMG A RAT IS EATING MY FOOT! Wait. Just my shoe.
This cold has me coughing up a ton of goopy shit. So this is what it must feel like to be Paris Hilton.
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If you’re linked to me on Facebook, you may have seen these as well.
If you want to find me in either place, click here.
Twitter at: http://twitter.com/moooooog35 or you can just click this button:
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You’ve been warned.
Tweet.
Mental Poo 
