…sometimes I look at my own post titles and just shake my head.
Other times, I just shake my head without looking at the titles.
And, no – this isn’t another ‘Ripped from the Headlines‘ post.
Although, holy fuckshit…
….wouldn’t that be the coolest friggin’ headline ever?
New York Times:
Angela Lansbury Beats Naked Pooing Lady
(click to enlarge…that’s what she said):
Mostly to my computer, but whatever.
The results of my latest poll are in!
Here was the question:
What’s the Weirdest Search my Site Comes Up In?
94 of you voted.
Yes – 94.
This is BY FAR the most popular poll I’ve ever had.
This includes all the times I’ve said, “Yo..who wants my number?” to any chick within earshot.
To my wife, the one who actually TOOK my number after that, I say this:
Don’t worry, everyone. She won’t think that’s harsh.
She knows she made a mistake.
Sixth Place (tie): Whack Poo and Whack My Wife
Someone’s whacking poo?
Who the fuck is whacking poo?
Actually, who would WANT to whack poo?
I’m guessing it would splatter all over the fucking place unless you had just eaten bananas and they were the hard marble-type poop balls (click here for the full story of the smiley face poo in my page header at the top right of this page).
Mother of God, man.
I’m guessing that after ‘Whack Poo’ and ‘Whack My Wife’ came this inevitable search:
Whack my wife with poo.
…who hasn’t thought about that at least once.
If you’re searching for giant vaginas, I can promise you that you’ve come to the wrong fucking place.
Giant vaginas, though?
I don’t see any.
Trust me, I’ve been looking.
Although any vagina feels gigantic to me.
Stupid small junk.
Mental Poo: You’re source for old ladies’ titty bags since 2009.
I’m totally making that into a shirt.
Second Place: I want pics of a lady who is doing her poo poo and isnt wearing any bra or panty
This came in SECOND place?!
You people are fucked.
But not nearly as fucked as the guy looking for pictures of a naked chick taking a shit.
Which he’ll never, ever find.
Don’t take that away from me.
By a single vote…
First Place: Angela Lansbury
Forgive him, Lord, he knows now what he do.
The poor, poor bastard.
I don’t have the slightest fucking clue how someone searched for ‘Angela Lansbury’ and this site came up.
But I can tell you this:
That person. Will never. Be the same.
Grandma: “Angela…Lansbury. Angela Lansbury, I think.”
Grandpa: “Let me Google it.”
It’s at this point that Mental Poo appears in all it’s hideous glory.
Grandpa is greeted with shit like:
Fucking ay, that’s right.
Grandpa: “MA! You gotta see this! I Googled ‘Angela Lansbury’ and you know what came up?”
Grandma: “What? What came up?”
Grandpa: “That same site that came up before when I Googled ‘Whack my Wife’s Granny Boobs with Poo.'”
Well, I guess we’ve answered at least one of the above questions.
Grandpa is one sick fuck.
Even sicker than you guys.
If you can believe that shit.