Archive for the ‘movies’ Category

>Why I Am a Dog Person

Posted: January 10, 2011 in drawings, movies, pets, videos, wtf

>I’m kind of hanging out on vacation this week so here’s what you get:

It’s been a while since I made a movie so here you go.

The following is based on a true story that happened to me, literally, hours before I GOT ONTO A PLANE WITH TYPHOID MARY.

So, you know…

This was a fantastic fucking day.

If you can’t see the video embedded in this post, you can click the direct link to it here.

I neglected to include the part where I was on the phone with my doctor saying, “Yeah..it’s really hard and oozing…that’s what she said,” and then listened at the stunned silence by the nurse for about 30 seconds before she said, “I cannot stress enough HOW QUICKLY YOU NEED TO GET TO AN EMERGENCY ROOM.”

Great day. Great. Day.

If you want to see more videos, just go to my video channel:

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Seriously.

Go look before the cats kill what’s left of me.

And they will. You can bet on it.

>Just a quickie today (that’s what she said).

My new cell phone is “state-of-the-art” compared to my old cell phone which had rotary dial and came with one of those operator ladies who plugs the cords into the wall to connect you to the General Store so you can order more chicken feed.

My new cell phone takes video!! This excites me for several reasons…12 of which involve youporn.com but we won’t get into that right now.

So with my new video-taking, non-rotary-dial, God-I-miss-Glenda-my-phone-operator cell phone in hand with my kids at Walmart as we wandered into the “Christmas Decoration” section…

..this is shit I do with it.

God I love technology.

But I really miss Glenda.

*****************************

I will be taking a tiny Christmas break here for a few days but feel free to rewatch this over and over and over again and share it or go to my Youtube channel by clicking here or on this little icon right here:

Merry Christmas to all you Jesus people, and have a great weekend to everyone else (read: heathens).

Moog out.

>Let’s Rewind the Tape!!

Posted: November 1, 2010 in karate, kids, movies, parenting, videos

>
For my regular readers (YAY, FIBER!) you know that I take karate classes.

You will know this from:

The time I entered a karate tournament with my son.

The time I beat Jesus in one-on-one combat at said karate tournament.

The time I shattered my hand in karate.


The time I broke my hand AGAIN in karate.

Yes. I broke it TWICE.

My regular readers also know that I don’t learn from my mistakes.

Hey…my hand still hurts but the Jesus thing makes it all worthwhile.

That’s what she said.

What?

On Friday nights my son and I go to class, gear up and fight other people.

Violence = male bonding.


But since I have BOTH my kids on Fridays now, my daughter is reluctant to come along.

So I came up with THIS brilliant idea:

Me: “Payton, why don’t you run the VIDEO CAMERA while Cam and I fight.”

Payton: “REALLY?!”

Me: “Yes. It’s important. That way, we can review the video to see maybe where we went wrong.”

She loved the idea. I actually loved the idea. To be able to review your mistakes and missed opportunities (like golfers do) and make corrections for next time.

Until I saw what she taped.

Enjoy.

Thanks, honey.

That should really help hone my skills for my rematch against Jesus.

That’s what she said.

Nope. Still doesn’t make any sense.

Moog out.

>Before I start today:

I am the featured blogger on “Questions for a Blogger” on Studio 30-Plus.

It’s incredibly funny.

Duh.

ONWARD!!

*******************
It all started with this Tweet I did on a Wednesday morning:

Got a “Phobe Light” instead of a strobe light. When it’s on, homosexuals and spiders look like they’re moving in slow motion.

The next thing I know, I’m taking the day off of work and downloading pictures of clowns and spiders and homosexuals and Weird Al Yankovic and..

..well..

Maybe you should just watch it.

Here you go:

PRESENTING THE PHOBE LIGHT!

So, um. Yep.

That was what I did on a Tuesday.

Just be thankful I didn’t take the Tweet I did about Orville Redenbacher’s poop and make it a movie.

Even SCARIER.

Moog out.

The only way I can explain the above title…

…is to show you the video I made.

Here you go, folks.

You will need access to YouTube:

Twilight Woods

Bella: “Moog…I know what you are.”

Me: “Say it.”

Bella: “Seriously. Fucked. Up.”

Honestly, I have no idea where this shit comes from either.

Feel free to make it go viral so I can maybe get a job offer in marketing or writing or an internship at The Bunny Ranch.

Thanks in advance.

Moog out.