..and this is how I lost my female Chinese readers who like Garey Busey and Nicolas Cage movies.
So solly.
Let me explain.
My 6 year old son had to do a diorama for his first grade class.
Let’s read that again.
My SIX YEAR OLD HAD TO DO A DIORAMA.
Jesus H. Christ.
The kid can barely pee without pulling his entire wardrobe off and you want him to do a friggin’ DIORAMA?
That makes perfect sense you stupid assholes.
What did this diorama have to be on?
An animal native to China.
He came up with ‘Snow Leopard.’
Here’s what we came up with:
BEHOLD! THE SNOW LEOPARD DIORAMA!!!
(insert wicked cool echo here)
ooooooooh.
Purty.
Yeah.
That looks EXACTLY like something a 6-year old did on his own.
And then, because I have way too much time on my hands, I took some “Wild Kingdom” action shots!
Trust me…
If these things didn’t come out looking like Hobbes, it would be wicked fierce and scary and shit.
Then, I figured…
What ELSE could we do that was native to China?
* light bulb goes off but not an incandescent because of all the global warming shit NOOOOO it’s one of those squiggly ones that emit NO light at all and you know what..you know what? FUCK THE POLAR BEARS.
Sorry.
I had an idea for other Chinese Dioramas.
Of course.
Then I figured that that probably wasn’t fair because even though Chinese drivers really DO SUCK – and if you’re Chinese and reading this and getting angry and disagree with this then you’re TOTALLY wrong but HOLD ON A SECOND kemosabe (all I know of Chinese which may or may not be Indian/Portuguese) – but my wife who is NOT Chinese actually drove into our house (yes..INTO OUR HOUSE) so I figured I could expand on these a little:
I think that’s enough.
In the end, he chose the ‘Snow Leopard’ one even though I thought the teacher would get a kick out of the Gary Busey one even though he’s not native to China.
Kids.
Can’t live with ’em.
Can’t build a kick-ass Snow Leopard diorama without ’em.
Riiiiiiiight.
Moog out.
Mental Poo 