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Like the rest of the United States and Canada and, apparently, giant flocks of birds, I’ve been battling a wicked cold and cough and chest congestion that feels like little Cough Nazis are invading my Lung Poland.
It makes sense in my head.
So, of course, I do what everyone else does who has been sick forever and made a doctors appointment.
Just kidding.
I Googled it.
Thanks to the wonderful world of Google’s ‘autofill’ which tries to guess what you’re going to type next, please follow me through the things that pop up when I simply try Googling ‘I have chest congestion.’
Sadly, this is not my first tussle with Google. Nor, do I predict, will it be my last.
Let’s begin:
Of course, ‘autofill’ changes every time you type in another letter but I was, like, ‘wtf is Planck’s constant?’ so for those of you morbidly curious I went to wikipedia:
The Planck constant (denoted h), also called Planck’s constant, is a physical constant reflecting the sizes of quanta in quantum mechanics.
*blink
Then I was thinking “oh…your quanta..it’s so BIG‘ and then “quantum” got me thinking about Quantum Leap which, honestly, ended much too soon.
blah blah blah I miss Scott Bakula on television.
NEXT!
“I have a dream that I have friends”
Let’s keep going…
“Chlamydia” is just an anagram for “Clam day, hi.”
Seems strangely appropriate.
Who’s up now?
Maybe you have chest pains because of ALL THE CHEESEBURGERS.
Just sayin’.
AH. We’re here!
So I finished Googling and really didn’t feel like digging for answers because after the “Planck’s constant” bullshit I honestly had a frigging headache on top of my chest congestion so I just decided to go home and take some Nyquil and then had nightmares involving Scott Bakula and Martin Luther King attacking me in college with cheeseburgers.
I hate you, Google.