>What Planck’s Constant has to do with Chest Congestion, only Google Can Answer. Badly.

Posted: January 19, 2011 in search results, wtf

Like the rest of the United States and Canada and, apparently, giant flocks of birds, I’ve been battling a wicked cold and cough and chest congestion that feels like little Cough Nazis are invading my Lung Poland.

It makes sense in my head.

So, of course, I do what everyone else does who has been sick forever and made a doctors appointment.

Just kidding.

I Googled it.

Thanks to the wonderful world of Google’s ‘autofill’ which tries to guess what you’re going to type next, please follow me through the things that pop up when I simply try Googling ‘I have chest congestion.’

Sadly, this is not my first tussle with Google. Nor, do I predict, will it be my last.

Let’s begin:

Of course, ‘autofill’ changes every time you type in another letter but I was, like, ‘wtf is Planck’s constant?’ so for those of you morbidly curious I went to wikipedia:

The Planck constant (denoted h), also called Planck’s constant, is a physical constant reflecting the sizes of quanta in quantum mechanics.


Then I was thinking “oh…your quanta..it’s so BIG and then “quantum” got me thinking about Quantum Leap which, honestly, ended much too soon.

blah blah blah I miss Scott Bakula on television.


His next search:

“I have a dream that I have friends”

Let’s keep going…

And remember, kids:

“Chlamydia” is just an anagram for “Clam day, hi.”

Seems strangely appropriate.

Who’s up now?


Maybe you have chest pains because of ALL THE CHEESEBURGERS.

Just sayin’.

AH. We’re here!

So I finished Googling and really didn’t feel like digging for answers because after the “Planck’s constant” bullshit I honestly had a frigging headache on top of my chest congestion so I just decided to go home and take some Nyquil and then had nightmares involving Scott Bakula and Martin Luther King attacking me in college with cheeseburgers.

I hate you, Google.


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