I’m ashamed.
Not only because I’m the fastest lay in the land (*KAPOW! PING!), but for the fact that – apparently – you people don’t know how to vote.
Before the holiday break, I put up a poll to keep you busy.
(that’s what she said)
The poll was to vote for the weirdest search term that this site comes up in.
50 of you voted.
The rest were, apparently, spinning Dreidels and eating ham.
(probably not the same people doing both)
Hope you had fun with that.
Here are the results.
Question: What’s the most disturbing search term my site shows up in?
Fifth Place (4 votes): Ass Clowns
I don’t know what an ‘ass clown’ is or why anyone would want to search for one.
Worst. Birthday Party. Ever.
Fourth Place (tie – each with 5 votes):
– Sex Sucking Monkey
– Tied Pregnant Filled Water Tube
Um…
Sex Sucking Monkey?
I’m not sure if someone was searching for sex with a monkey who sucks…
…or searching for a monkey to suck while having sex.
Either way, my search came up empty.
Perhaps I’ve said too much.
Tied Pregnant Filled Water Tube?
Sit down, waterboarding! There’s a new torture technique in town!
I miss John McCain.
Third Place (7 votes): Alton Brown Sex Story
I know how this got here:
Asshole.
In fact, fuck Alton Brown’s asshole.
THERE. THERE’S A SEARCH I CAN LIVE WITH.
My sphincter is still bleeding from the raw turkey recipe you gave me.
Here’s to you getting the same result…different method.
Second Place (8 votes): Whack the Men and Poo on Him
Hello?
SECOND PLACE?!
Jesus H. Christ.
Call me old fashioned, but I like my whacking without all the shitting on me.
And vice versa.
Never mix the two – you’re just asking for a nasty, nasty clean up.
Unless we’re talking about Alton Brown.
By all means…whack and poo away.
First Place (21 votes): Monkey Penis Sex Girl
If this isn’t the name of a rock band yet, there’s something wrong with this world.
I Googled this myself to see what came up in images.
Here’s the #1 image:
Um.
Wha..?
I’m sure whoever searched for that term certainly didn’t want to see a bunch of Asians attending to a sheet-covered person.
Seriously.
If there’s a monkey under there having sex with a girl using his penis, we should really pull that fucking sheet off.
Like the Kinks said: “Give the People What They Want.”
Unless it’s an Alton Brown sex story.
No one should have to watch that shit.
Mental Poo 
Beastiality on a Monday morning. I can always count on you for some perversion to start my week.
Thanks for all you do to better the blog world.
I can’t believe only 50 people voted.
I was busy lighting Hanuka candles and eating bacon.
That’s right.
I’m a J.F.B.
I think this post just gave me dementia.
Or maybe I really am having sex with John McCain. He’s the girl, by the way.
Didn’t last Tuesday reinforce the fact that people don’t know how to vote?
The most disturbing search term I’ve had was something like, “Where to find gay sex in Exton Pa”
Then when I googled it, I found out what time you could meet a gay man at the stall at our mall (in Exton).
I’m upset that there wasn’t a better pic of the monkey penis sex girl.
Waaaaaaaa!!!
I voted.
I’m not telling which one I chose.
haha. Penis.
Christina: you had me at ‘beastiality’
Mike: enjoy Hell.
Mike2: I’d pay to see that lesbo scene with him and his wife, then.
Mjenks: A fellow Republican?!?!?!?
Zibbs: Yeah..you Googled it ‘for research.’ Sure. We believe that.
Giggle: By all means, you’re welcome to come up with one.
BG: I have my suspicions.
rs27: If I had a dime for every time I heard that…
I’m not a jew but I am all for bacon. And sometimes even monkey sex. It feels nice.
Aw, man, you had me at Ass Clowns.
Have stumbled!
1. The turkey is not done until the smoke alarm goes off, everyone knows that!
2. Alton Brown? He treats cooking like a science project. Have you seen the kids science projects at school lately?
3. How do you find out what search words are used to find you? (always wondered about that, never asked, maybe I don’t want to know.)
P.S. Obama blow up dolls are on sale 50% off now. Better get on it!
Well, I’m certainly glad my shrink upped my pills before I saw that pic of monkey sex girl. LMAO.
I thought I’d poke you to let you know that my blog for today (Wise Teeth for Tough Times) just might have a penile question you’ve never pondered. Imagine that! And no, there is no contact between teeth wise or tough and peni.
I am laughing my ass off… and can’t stop. I’m still searching that pic for a monkey’s penis somewhere….
From now on I read you first on Monday. I really needed this around 10am.
Rod,
Have you seen this yet?
http://www.hulu.com/star-ving
Thought of you when I saw it, not sure what that means though.
Also, a neighbor I shared your blog with gave this back to me in return:
http://maddox.xmission.com/
BTW, he described your blog with one word “Awesome!”.
Later,
Chris
BUMS IN MY MOUTH!
lbluca: add bacon to monkey sex and you’ve got a deal.
Hindleyite: You sound like my mom.
Perhaps I’ve said too much.
MI: So far he’s been in office for a week and the only change I’ve seen is Harley Davidson laying off workers.
And me thinking I should have waited a year to buy mine. The deal I could have got!!
Email me and I’ll show you how to get the results.
BuzzardBilly: You poked me? Was I sleeping?
Susan: You’re searching for the monkey penis?
Twisted, woman. Twisted.
LiLu: You’re like every other woman I’ve ever met – wants to get me out of the way early.
Anonymous: Maddox rules. Read his book (The Alphabet of Manliness) – you will laugh through the entire thing.
And tell your neighbor I said, ‘thanks’ and ‘send money.’
Malach: Um…what?
“The rest were, apparently, spinning Dreidels and eating ham.
(probably not the same people doing both)”
HA HA HA HA HA HA HA
That was hilarious.
“Mjenks: A fellow Republican?!?!?!?”
Guilty as charged.
The as-clown picture … I’m wondering what we’d find if we turned the other cheek.
“The as-clown picture … I’m wondering what we’d find if we turned the other cheek.”
Probably a second, much smaller ass clown. Maybe like the Joe Pesci of ass clowns.
Crap, be carefull when talking about clowns and Pesci…..
LOL that last photo (I’m almost 100% sure) is off a guy who was wanking by putting his pee-pee through the holes in that park bench and got stuck, have another look! Disturbing but yet fucking hilarious. Pretty sure they had to cut him out of the bench, ouch.
LOL that last photo (I’m almost 100% sure) is off a guy who was wanking by putting his pee-pee through the holes in that park bench and got stuck, have another look! Disturbing but yet fucking hilarious. Pretty sure they had to cut him out of the bench, ouch.