>I Like to Google Alphabetically

Posted: May 18, 2011 in search results, wtf

>
I have not a single clue as to why but I was messing around with “Google” stuff which I kind of stumbled on that time I was writing my post about flying with the crazy Ebola/Typhoid chick..

..when I decided that it was time to debut a new feature on here called, “I like to Google Alphabetically”

Basically, I pick a phrase which may or may not be normal, then go through the alphabet to see what kind of screwed up shit comes up.

You’re welcome.

Today’s Google Phrase:

I LIKE TO…

But before I did “I like TO,” I stopped at “I like..” and this popped up:

I don’t know what a mischievous badger is, but if it exists, it has to be AMAZING.

Okay…

To wade through the bullshit I only did the ones where I was, like, WTF?

Here goes…

A:

Personally, I like to annoy people by abusing my dog and then arguing with them about it.

Three birds, one stone.

I also like to abuse my birds.

B:

I was thinking “how do you blow a tree?” but then realized it’s probably pretty easy since a tree always has wood.

*cymbal crashes

C:

“C” sucked – like, the best I could get was when I made it “I like to CH” and “I like to check you for ticks” came up.

D:

I’m wondering if the guy who likes to dissect girls is the same guy who also likes to dance.

Would explain a LOT.

E:

Who’s hungry?!

Then there’s a shitty alphabetic drought until the letter ‘P’ for some reason although, honestly, this seems appropriate.

P:

I’m thinking we should get the “I like to poop” person and the “I like to eat poop” person together.

It would be like Match.com but, you know, way more fucking disgusting.

FYI, if you Google “Jesus in a tuxedo” you get this:


The more you know.

The there’s nothing of significance until “S” which gave me “I like to singa about the moona” which just made me laugh because Italians are funny unless they’re gangsters and then I thought about that book, “Strega Nona” and her magic pasta pot and how Big Anthony almost killed thousands of people with spaghetti.

The moral of that story was supposed to be about listening and paying attention but I’m pretty sure all I got from is it is that no matter what, never ever trust a man wearing a scarf.

Then I got to ‘T.’

T:

Then after ‘T’ the only thing I found of note was in ‘W’ where “I like to wear diapers” came up and since most two year olds can barely understand basic scientific principles like the coefficient of friction never mind being able to work Firefox (screw you, Internet Explorer!), I’m gonna guess an adult searched for this and..

..um..

EW.

Then again, maybe it’s that guy who likes to poop and pee.

Makes sense, Google.

Makes sense.

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