>I’m So Confused I Don’t Even Have a Title

Posted: January 24, 2011 in drawings, search results, wtf

>I was checking my blog stats the other day when I noticed that an old post about how I became trapped in my ex-wife’s hairspray-covered-bathroom-floor and almost died (read: found that my foot got sticky) was trending.

This prompted me to look at where all the traffic was coming from:


So of course I’m all, like, ‘wtf is a sticky site?’ and the answer that kept coming back to me involved post-coital relations but I’m pretty sure that even I wouldn’t want free wi-fi from there so I decided to click on the site to see why this post was coming up.

Bad. Bad idea.

It turns out that my hairspray entrapment blog post was linked in this ‘forum’ posting:

“I came across this blog post today while doing one of my routine searches on getting stuck in glue.”

*cricket

At this point I don’t know what’s going on here except maybe this guy owns a glue factory or works in a glue manufacturing plant or is a serial killer because I’m pretty sure I’m about as weird as they come and I’ve routinely Googled shit before but nothing about getting stuck in glue.

Now I’m like, well..how did he find my blog Googling this crap?

This led me to look at my search results for that day:


Okay..so he searched for “feet stuck in super glue.”

I suppose that’s valid.

But why wouldn’t you just take your shoes off or something? How did you get to the computer to use Google? WHO IS FEEDING THE DOG?!

So many questions.

Then I realize his forum post says this:


I got nothin’.

So now it’s occurred to me that this guy isn’t trying to get OUT of being stuck in glue – he’s wondering the most effective way TO TRY TO BE STUCK IN GLUE and if, somewhere in my post, I’ve discovered some miracle glue solution that gets you stuck when, you know, you’re really looking to go nowhere.

And trust me, I’m pretty much the expert when it comes to going nowhere.

Curiousity piqued, I click on the ‘Home’ page of the site.

Here’s what I see:


*blink


OH.

It’s a fetish.

For a minute there I thought people were doing weird shit with glue for sexual gratification.

OH LOOK THERE’S A PICTURE GALLERY!!

Imma gonna click on it!


All I can say is that it’s a good thing they reserved the room because this has ‘we’re here for an extended stay’ written all over it.

When I went to save the picture, I found out what it’s actually named:


I have to admit here that I’m a little turned on with the blue chick.

Then..um…


Please note that this photo is actually named ‘Face full of Alien’ and I did not write that but I’m really confused at who thinks that a bi-pedal catwoman wearing fuzzy slippers (redundant) with Alien stuck to her face is a boner inducing turnon.

If you’re out there raising your hand right now, please leave and never ever come back.

It’s at this point that I’m ready to bail on this website because (a) it’s getting weird and (b) it’s almost lunch time and I’ve been writing this post for, like, 2 hours now and it’s time I had a break.

Plus they’re serving chicken wings in the cafeteria today.

I hope my fingers don’t get sticky.

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