>Carrot Top Disturbingly Lives with Reese Witherspoon and is Causing My Back Pain! I think.

Posted: September 20, 2010 in pain and suffering, wtf

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A while ago I had back surgery because that’s what you get when you can’t poop without screaming and not for the good reason (tacos) but for the reason that your sciatic nerve is crushed like Elin Nordgren’s sexy sexy heart.

But I had some lingering pain (thank you, age 42 you giant piece of shit!) so I had another MRI.

Which I looked at.

AND IT SCARED ME.

Why?

Because apparently I have people living in my spine.

Take my hand…follow me…I’ll show you.

Don’t worry. I washed it.

MRI #1: Dilbert vs. Reese

(click to enlarge all images)

What the…?

My first impression is this:

But I think this is more accurate:

Then I scroll down along my spine.

Is anyone else in here getting horny?

MRI #2: SAY IT AIN’T SO!

Well..if Carrot Top IS living in my spine…I suppose that explains all the agony.

MRI #3: I can only hope my back doesn’t contain aphids

Great.

Now I’m all itchy.

MRI #4: Things go downhill from here

Great.

So now I’m thinking that my residual pain is caused by a shitty comedian or a praying mantis eating imaginary (I HOPE) back-aphids or potentially Epstein’s giant afro is scraping against my sciatic nerve.

Then my doctor tells me that he looked and it’s just scar tissue and then showed me the MRI:

Huh.

Not sure how I missed that.

Signed,

Epstein’s mother.

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