John Wayne Gacy Gets a Vanity Plate!

Posted: August 25, 2010 in about me, rants


Just something short today.

* ziiiiiip

You knew that was coming.

(that’s what she said)

My wife mentioned that she got behind a car with a vanity plate the other day.

Now – for those readers I’ve had for a while, you know I hate vanity plates.

Please disregard the fact that I’ve had TWO of them.

The first one was on my bitchin’ 1970 Oldsmobile 442 when I was 17.


It said:

“Rowdy”

Fuckin’ ay, that’s right.

It was originally because of Rowdy Roddy Piper…my name being “Rodney,” and the car all looking super badass and fast and OHMYGODAMIGONNAGETLAIDINTHISFUCKINGTHINGORWHAT and shit.

When I was thinking of what to get on the plate, I was asking around for some ideas.

Most of them were, ‘eh’..

And then my mother offered up this gem:

“Why don’t you get, “RODNEY”…?”

Ooooh.

Jesus H. Christ, mom.

Why don’t you give me a perm while I’m here?


I’m pretty positive that this type of recommendation is what drove the Menendez brothers to kill their parents.

Mom Menendez: “Well..you know, a license plate that says ‘Lyle’ might be nice..”

BAM.

I’ve digressed.

My other plate was on a screaming red car.

It said:

REDROD

Yep.

REDROD.

Ironically, that was back in the day where I had just met my wife and getting sex more than 12 times a year and my rod did – on occasion – get red.

Now it’s just black from personal misuse and a reaction to excessive use of makeup and polyester outfits.

Perhaps I’ve said too much.


So my wife says she’s behind a car the other day with a vanity plate.

Getting closer she sees that the plate says this:


Yep.

Di-Kids

Does anyone else here see:

DIE, KIDS!! DIE, KIDS!!

Why would you get this?

My wife has a similar plate, but she’s a teacher in a public school so it’s okay.

(they pass these out as bumper stickers to the Teacher’s Union)


I’m guessing the woman’s name was “Di” and she has “kids”…hence:

Di-Kids

I’m HOPING this is the case.

The other options are:

1) She likes dipping kids in varying food colorings:

Dye Kids


2) All her kids are lesbians:

Dyke Kids

The only conclusion here is that this actually says:

DIE KIDS

This makes me angry.

Angry that I didn’t think of this first.

Ugh.

“Rodney”

What the Hell was my mother thinking?

She’s just lucky I didn’t have a shotgun lying around.

I’m pretty sure that’s considered ‘justifiable homicide.’

Moog out.

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