>The One Where I Actually Read a Book

Posted: August 19, 2010 in book reviews, I'm an asshole

I read a book.

This is not typically news unless you’re ME where the last actual adult book I read that was non-porno and did not contain pictures of bears or mice or Strega Nona elderly magical pasta-making women or stuffed bears who are borderline retarded and for some reason need pockets (WTF, Corduroy?) was “Into Thin Air” and that was back before I had kids or a bald spot and I just now got the correlation there.

Friggin kids.

Where the fuck was I.


I read a book.

I read a book because a friend of mine, Ross Cavins, asked me to.

Because he wrote it.

Ross wrote a book called, “Follow the Money” and he asked me to write a review on it.

So I did.

Ross sends me the book and I open it and MOTHER OF GOD THERE ARE NO PICTURES but there WAS this little gem written inside the cover:


You may be an adult midget, but you’re always big on laughs. You’re an inspiration…to twelve-year-olds everywhere.”

Hahaha. Funny, Ross.

Your book SUCKS.

Just kidding.

So I started reading “Follow the Money”

But since I don’t particularly care to read I decided that the place where I was most likely to concentrate on such an endeavor was in the bathroom so I put the book on the back of my toilet and within 15 bowel movements and roughly 4 hours later…


..a review is born.

And, honestly, a number of painful hemorrhoids, too.

I’ve digressed.

Follow the Money

“Follow the Money” is a collection of ten short stories all interconnecting with one simple key ingredient familiar to all of them:

Three million dollars.

Ross does a great job of storytelling with excellent character development.

Honestly, you never really know how each story is going to tie into the others – but he manages to surprise you and pull off an admirable job in bringing each character to life…and, subsequently, each story together.

Considering there were no monkeys or bears or porn, I actually enjoyed reading the book.

Which is saying something since I have the attention span of an OOOOH MY HAMSTER IS AWAKE!! Who’s a good girl? Are you a good girl?

She’s so cute.



The book.

If you enjoy humorous writing, excellent character development, and like the variety of stories that a collection of short verses can give you, I HIGHLY suggest picking it up.

It will be the best four toilet-bound hours of your life.

Unless you’re getting a blumpkin.

Then by all means, put the book down.

Nice job, Ross. But you’re still not getting away with that twelve-year-old remark.

Eric Estrada is watching you.

Moog out.


Where you can buy FOLLOW THE MONEY:

Buy it here at Amazon.com


Ross Cavin’s very own book site.



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