Run, Mahatma..RUN!

Posted: August 6, 2010 in I'm an asshole, rants, work

My white sheet is currently at the dry cleaners.

Let me explain.

I don’t think it’s any secret that I don’t like foreign things.

Things like:

1) People who can’t speak English

People who CAN speak English, but appear to be foreigners

Actually, just other people in general. Forget #1 and #2.

Champagne glasses in my anus

I wasn’t going to include #4, but the hospital report said it was a ‘foreign object’ so I felt obligated to add it.

On a side note, NEVER use a champagne flute when a shot glass will do.

But I’ve digressed.

The other day, I walked into the gym at work.

We have three treadmills.

There, on one of the treadmills was one of the guys who works in our tech lab. For the sake of argument, I’ll call him “Al.”

“Al Qaeda.”

He is middle-eastern.

He has the full beard/moustache/“I’m gonna kill you you unholy infidel!” look.

He wears a big, red turban.

Obviously, this tends to catch your eye.

Especially if you’re an Air Marshall.

There he was, on the treadmill…

…with that f*cker cranked up to at least 13 miles an hour.

(For those of you one the metric system, that means “hauling some serious ass” kilometers/hr.)

Now…is it bad of me?

Because all I kept thinking…

…watching this turban-clad middle-eastern guy running full bore on the treadmill was:

“Oh no. Terrorist in training.”

Apparently, Osama has infiltrated my company’s cardio equipment!!

Before you all start calling me a “racist” and “racial profiler” and “hot short guy” and “sexual chocolate,” know this:

When the shit comes down, and Al comes running at you at 13 miles per hour with a dirty bomb strapped to his chest, I warned you.

Of course, he could be just trying to get in shape.

Even terrorists get high blood pressure, you know.


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