The Stinky Fun Factory

Posted: August 2, 2010 in friends, poop


Today, I give you a short glimpse into what it’s like to be my friend.

..and then…

Why you really really really might not want that privilege.

Here is a snippet of some Instant Messaging that happened out of the blue with my friend, John, the other day.

Enjoy.

***********************

midgetmanofsteel:
Have you ever pooped rectangles?

midgetmanofsteel:
I just pooped a rectangle…like a PlayDoh Fun Factory and squishing it out the little rectangle hole. How does that happen?

John: dude

***********************

That’s how I said ‘hi‘ to John.

Popping open his Yahoo Messenger window, telling him that I just shit a rectangle.

Seriously…I shit a rectangle.

I’m not sure how this was physically possible.

And I needed answers.


I believe this conversation took place around 9:00 a.m.

Good morning, Johnny!

Had coffee yet? You have?

Then let’s talk about my rectangular shit!

But John, who is self-proclaimed King of all things shit-related,’ didn’t disappoint me:

***********************

John: I might have to think about that

John: going to a meeting, I will ponder it during the meeting

***********************

He will ponder it.

This begs the question:

What’s a friend?

Is a friend someone who stands by your side, and lends understanding and compassion when you need them most?

No.

No…a friend is someone who will forget about his career and, instead, contemplate the inner workings of the human body including, but not limited to, your bowels, colon and sphincter muscles to answer the question of how you were able to shit out a geometric shape that morning.

THAT, my friends, is a true amigo.

This is also probably why I have very few of them.

I should probably think about revising that definition.

Whatever.


(yep…one that’s one of mine)

**** the IM picks up again later that day ****

John: so, is it like a piece of charcoal?

midgetmanofsteel: charcoal? Jesus, man. How big do you think my asshole is?

John: no I meant charcoal square

John: like rounded edges

midgetmanofsteel: no – more like a Twix bar, but way longer.

John: oh

***********************

Oh.

I get…’Oh.’


That’s the last I’ve heard from John on the subject.

It’s been months.

I’m guessing he’s still pondering it.

He’s a good friend.

I think.

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