Like a Great Big Bottle of GENIUS

Posted: July 12, 2010 in my shampoo is trying to kill me, wtf

I was going to file this under ‘My Shampoo is Trying to Kill Me’ but since it’s not trying to kill me in this case I decided not to and you have just wasted 20 seconds of your life reading a very useless opening sentence.

You’re welcome.

I was in the shower the other day in between masturbating and shaving (a fully erect penis is a smoothly shaven penis…that’s what my mom always said) and I noticed this on one of the shelves:


Clarifying Shampoo.

Ooooooh.

Then I started to think about all the places this has probably been useful.

Or…

Or…


FUCKING AWESOME.

So I used like a WHOLE FUCKING BOTTLE and I still couldn’t figure out the plotline of LOST even though I watched the stupid ‘pop up’ repeat shows that TELL YOU what is going on and I’m totally fucking suing Pantene because I also went out to fix my broken lawnmower and you know what?

Couldn’t fix it.

Thanks for doing nothing to improve my handyman skills, Pantene.

Then I realized that all this shit does is just kind of clean your hair really really good.

Which I guess is a moment of clarity in and of itself.

You got lucky, Pantene.

You got lucky.

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