Tortoise Embryos and Robot Anal Probes

Posted: June 21, 2010 in sad teaching stories, wife, wtf

Nothing is impossible to a willing heart.
– John Heywood

Success is determined by those whom prove the impossible, possible.

– James W. Pence

Eat the rich, eat the rich
Don’t you know life is a bitch
Eat the rich, eat the rich
Out of the palace and into the ditch

– Krokus

God, I miss the 80’s.

Where was I?

Oh. Yes.

Kindergarten projects.

So a while ago, my wife handed me a project turned in by one of her inner-city kindergarten students.

In one section, you had to draw something that was POSSIBLE.

In the next section, something IMPOSSIBLE.

Here’s another example.

First, let’s take a look and see who it’s from:

The Hell?

Luckily, my wife has a “Cap’n Crunch secret decoder ring” in her top drawer for just such an emergency.

Fine…we’ve figured out that an alien has submitted this paper.

Let’s see..what did little K0QNj3r draw as his/her ‘Possible’ picture….




What the fuck is this? A sneeze? A puzzle? A puzzle of a sneeze? The Hell, kid?

The only thing I could figure out was this:


The kindergartner from Planet 9 was busy drawing tortoise embryos and shit for an apparent alien invasion.

Of course.

Then you look at what the kid drew as ‘IMPOSSIBLE’

So I stared at this thing for a while thinking ‘okay…it’s like two robots fighting or something’ and my wife is like, ‘I highly doubt the kid knows what a robot is’ and I’m like, ‘THANK GOD I don’t live in the inner city because I don’t want to know a world where I DON’T KNOW WHAT A ROBOT IS’ and then the more I looked at this thing the more I got REALLY REALLY disturbed..

..because I noticed THIS:

* blink

Well..whatever that robot on the left is doing, he’s about to get a giant surprise shoved up his robot asshole, apparently.

Or maybe that thing on the left symbolizes all of the human race during the upcoming alien invasion.

We’re onto you, K0QNj3r.

We’re onto you.

Viva la revolution!

Viva la anal robot probes of tortoise embryos!

Moog out.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s