There’s Some Plastic Fornication Going On Here

Posted: June 7, 2010 in kids, parenting, wtf

I see a lot of shit in my house.

Most notably when I forget to take the dog out, but whatever.

My daughter owns roughly the population of China in dolls.

The only differences are that (a) she’s allowed to have girl dolls and (3.14159) they would probably drive better if they could reach the pedals.

Throwing in racist comments willy nilly is a special talent.

I’ve digressed.

So my daughter usually spends hours playing with her dolls in her room.

Lately, though, I’ve been walking into the bathroom and seeing shit like this:


That erection came from NOWHERE.

So I do what every normal parent does, which is after pulling the top down just a bit to see the goods and maybe whispering ‘suck it, suck it’ while waggling my penis at it and then posing it in multiple positions while taking photos of it, I closed her legs, cleaned the counter (hand washing is ESSENTIAL) and left the bathroom.

It’s called good parenting, people.

Or severe mental degeneration.


So a couple of days go by and I walk in the bathroom and now see this:

What. The fuck.

It’s like my house is full of weird horny Barbie dolls shacking up with random guy dolls that have some really really good hair (SO JEALOUS) on my bathroom counter (read: HOT) but at least they have the decency, apparently, to cover up their bits when they’re done and I pray to God what I’m looking at splattered on the counter over here is actually just toothpaste.

So I’ve asked my daughter to stop playing with her dolls in the bathroom.

As soon as I give them back to her.

Perhaps I’ve said too much.


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