Mini-Me and the Rainbow Poo

Posted: April 22, 2010 in kids, parenting, poop

Further proof that my son is actually mine.

I mean, the fact that his penis is bigger than mine and he’s only six really threw me for a loop…

…but I think we’ve got evidence now.


I was going to write ‘hard evidence’ there but backspaced because it seemed inappropriate while talking about my son’s penis.

Tactfulness WIN!

I’ve digressed.

This Sunday, my son had ‘Fruity Pebbles’ cereal for breakfast.

He was in the bathroom brushing his teeth…

…when I walked in and started dumping his Fruity Pebble leftovers into the toilet.

As we stood there staring at the festive array now floating in the toilet (this time NOT of my own making), I looked at him and said:

Me: “Wouldn’t it be awesome if you actually pooped like that?”

He looked at me, excited.

Son: “That would be SO cool.”

Me: “Like a little rainbow.”

Then he then looks at me, bends over and makes his hand move in a big arc so out of his butt so that it looks like he just pooped out a rainbow.

At the same time, he does this:


Like angels singing.

He makes me so happy.

Me: “Maybe when you poop the rainbow, there would be a little Leprechaun at the end of it.”

Son: “Awesome! And instead of coins he’d have a little piece of poop made of gold.”

A little poop of gold.


We immediately both start dying laughing.

Then…from out in the kitchen… wife:

Wife: “God. You two were made for each other.”


Yes we were.

How awesome is that?

  1. Jessica says:

    I'm even more amazed a woman let you ejaculate in her.And why were you dumping cereal in the toilet?

  2. Maxie says:

    I feel sorry for the women of the world that there are two of you.

  3. Plaid Guru says:

    haha like father like son

  4. Ben says:

    I think I'm going to need a daughter.

  5. Cora says:

    That actually brought a tear to my eye. You made me cry and feel feelings and stuff. You asshole.

  6. CatLadyLarew says:

    You must be so proud!

  7. LOL, I love it, I was going to say like father like son, but it has already been said. I can only add that the boy seems destined to go a long way…. further downhill than his father ever achieved.As for dumping stuff like cereals and gravy in the toilet, I thought that was normal to prevent clogging the kitchen sink.And you do have a very understanding wife, or has she just given up?AVbtw, bill for new LCD & keyboard coming your way soon, coffee went everywhere. You really need a Govt Health Warning with some of this shit.

  8. Matt says:

    Fruity pebbles will never be the same for me now.

  9. Vodka Logic says:

    You must be so proud..I also agree with Jessica.. lol

  10. MommaKiss says:

    You're snipped, right?

  11. Funnyrunner says:

    Well the apple doesn't fall far from the tree, does it?for crying out loud. Why were you dumping fruity pebbles down the toilet, anyway? It's probably all the food dyes in that crap that makes you two of you so loopy in the first place.well… I'm glad you're a proud dad, notwithstanding all of your wonderful warpedness….

  12. Moooooog35 says:

    Jessica: That's not what your mom garbage disposal. Dump it in the toilet.Plus, bonus:BLOG POST.Maxie: Or does it intrigue you?Hmm? Hmm?Plaid: I know. He's so screwed.Ben: Trust me. I have one of those, too. SO MUCH WORSE.Cora: What? How did that happen?Totally by accident, trust me.CatLady: he is my hero.AV: FINALLY someone who gets the cereal dumping.Matt: You're welcome.Vodka: I am proud. I'm not sure why people are questioning this.Momma: I am. Thanks for bringing back that horrible memory.Funny: OMG what's with you people fixating on the cereal in the toilet?Milk + cereal = not good for trash bags so it goes in the toilet.It's not rocket science here.

  13. Eva Gallant says:

    OMG….a whole other generation of mental poo……………Aaaargh!

  14. Momma Fargo says:

    Earth is doomed. I have to move to another planet…

  15. Jenny says:

    I'm still in awe at how awesome your note to your dad was. And now this. Instead of t-shirts, you should sell posters. I'm just saying. Okay can we be business partners now because I want to sell some too.

  16. Mike says:

    I'm excited for when your boy starts blogging.It'll be like you but probably better, because the student MUST exceed the master.If he doesn't win some sort of prestigious award that comes with lots of cash, I'll be pissed.

  17. Wicked Shawn says:

    Yes, at 6 it's great fun, when he's 13 and you are getting calls from the school, that is when we will be laughing AT you instead of WITH you. Just sayin.

  18. Oh Lord. People say this about me and my daughter all the time. There's no denying her, and I'm not sure I've done her any favors. This gives 'taste the rainbow' an all new meaning.

  19. Jen says:

    Why were you dumping Fruity Pebbles in the toilet? Don't you have a dog or a garbage disposal? This was a really sweet post, in a strange and creepy way.

  20. Meat Sweats says:

    That story makes me happy. I love rainbows.

  21. Ed says:

    Definitely a chunk off the old brown log.Kid needs his own blog.

  22. Brutalism says:

    This is not as much fun with cocoa pebbles…for obvious reasons.Doesn't pouring cereal straight into the toilet cut out the middleman? I'm so glad there is a Mini-Mooooooog. One day, I can force my grandchildren to read his stuff to me in the nursing home.

  23. Moooooog35 says:

    Eva: You've been warned.Momma: Seriously…nothing will save you now.Jenny: Run with it. I'll tell you where to send the commission checks.Mike: Kid already exceeds me in SO many areas.So jealous.Wicked: Like I'm not used to people laughing at me already.Juicebox: Taste the rainbow. That's why if I was a bulimic all I'd eat would be skittles. TWICE THE RAINBOWS!Jen: OMG what is wrong with you people and the dumping of food in the john?Meat sweats: And leprechauns. Don't forget the leprechauns.Ed: He does. He'll probably make more money at it, too.

  24. Coffeypot says:

    I can't hardly wait to read the blog where you take him to his first prostitute. And how did you talk him into measuring his penis? A bet?

  25. Travis says:

    One day I hope to dump Fruity Pebbles in the toilet with a son of my own.

  26. It took YEARS for me to get that picture of myself eating Fruity Pebbles off of a disco ball while wearing my gold high-heeled boots to the number 2 position in Google searches of "Bowl of Fruity Pebbles." It's among my greatest achievements.

  27. That was freakin' awesome! I about died laughing!

  28. There's nothing more touching than a father and son bonding over poop and Fruity Pebbles. Someone should write to the makers of Fruity Pebbles and tell their inspiring story about pooping rainbows and see what response they get. Someone being you.Plus it'd be a nice change from corn.

  29. Ive read this three times and I laughed out loud every time – but I still cant figure out WHY you dumped his left over fruity pebbles in the toilet in the first place?

  30. Oh – I see in the comments you did it because you don't have a garbage disposal. Um. Okay – I guess that's normal?

  31. I Googled bowl of fruity pebbles…

  32. I'm Jane says:

    The giant alligators in the sewer system need something to eat too.

  33. Kernut says:

    LMAO He is definitely a Mini Moooooog35! He's got your sense of humor! Let him guest post and see how he does. (BTW – Sat, April 24th is Wicked's NPD. We're expecting you to play, and with pics as you suggested. 😉 I'll be posting an underwear related post tonight in honor of the upcoming event.)

  34. Toe says:

    Hello I'd like to make a deposit, you know, of my poop gold. Mini-Moooog is so advanced for his age.

  35. Kelly says:

    The Father/Son bonding moment brings a tear to my eye, it does. Tito, hand me a tis-sue.

  36. Rahul says:

    I had this same conversation with my mom.Yesterday.

  37. i DO shit rainbows in my pot of gold but i'm still confused as to why good cereal was being dumped in the toilet. is this normal?

  38. at first, i really didn't know where this post was going. i have to admit, you were starting to lose me with six y/o pieners and fruity pebbs in the toilet. however, i'm happy that i stayed strong because you really came in for the win. i ONLY want kids if they make rainbow-arched poops that go "Laaaaaaa!" and end in gold poop nuggets.this gives me hope.

  39. If I could shit anything besides shit I'd be the happiest person alive. Well, okay, I don't want to shit vomit.

  40. Nicky says:

    I think I need help – I actually found the whole thing endearing.

  41. Oh goodness!!! Not another of you!!!!! lol

  42. Buggys says:

    Some father son quality time? Was that your gene pool in that toilet?

  43. Katherine says:

    You mean EVERYONE doesn't poop rainbows?

  44. You should be so proud!OMG, Men and their boys talking about poop – after 2 boys I finally got my daughter and I thought, finally someone who won't be obsessed with grossness – boy was I wrong – she can fart louder, burp louder and talk dirtier than any boy in the house – there is absolutely no hope. Besides she blew my cover – for years my boys believed that girls didn't pass gas, poop or burp.

  45. Moooooog35 says:

    Brutalism: Another cereal that's not so much fun:Cocoa Puffs.Coffey: Stay tuned on Monday.Travis: It is quite the bonding experience.Jeremy: LOVE THE HAIR.Meeko: * blushingVeggie: I agree. My true calling is marketing.Meleah: THANK YOU FOR DOING THE LEGWORK.That's what she said.Pale: I warned yuo.I'm Jane: EXACTLY. Wait..don't they eat New Yorkers?Kernut: WTF is NPD?I don't want to know.Toe: I don't take deposits.Well..THAT kind of deposit.Kelly: It's a regular Hallmark Movie of the Week, isn't it?Rahul: So did I.Too much?Claire: It wasn't GOOD cereal it was leftover cereal and I don't have a garbage disposal and this is literally the tenth time I've answered this question.You're welcome.You're Lucky: The trick is to stay with me…it usually pays off in the end.Usually.Hiphop: You're so close to comment of the day with that one…Jessica, though..tough to beat.Nicky: Then I guess I did it wrong.Tee: Yes. He's going to be WAY worse, though.Buggys: No. My gene pool is more on the black side…like my soul.Katherine: Apparently not. Who knew.Sheila: WOMEN PASS GAS?!?!?!

  46. WILLIAM says:

    Toilet full of Kwanza outfits is a great name for a band.

  47. UberGrumpy says:

    Fantastic! Now that the sex education is out of the way, you can concentrate on football

  48. Becky..AMHW says:

    Dammit…I'm behind. A friend of mine and I once remarked to each other that it might be interesting if semen came in party colors. If the orgasm wasn't a pleasant enough surprise the leavings could be customized for the holidays! Red and green in winter. Orange and black for fall. Cheerful pastels for the spring!Plaid…just because. This conversation hinged on improving other qualities of the stuff, much like adding flavored syrups to coffee. We decided it would be bad if "carbonated" was one of the options but "caffienated" might work.

  49. sharonheg says:

    Good lord I'm a 44 year old woman, married, by childless by choice and *I* thought it was funny too.The world will not be able to survive this.Thanks for the smile!

  50. Kernut says:

    'WTF is NPD??!' OMG, Moooooog35! – you were the one who asked for 'picture proof' over on Wicked Girls Think It…. NPD = No Panties Day. April 24th. To make it gender neutral, Wicked Shawn and friends came up with Rock Out With Your Cock Out/Jam Out With Your Clam Out Day. You commented that pictures were needed 'cause girls are crafty. Was that a reference to vagazzling?

  51. Joann Mannix says:

    Sorry, late to the party on this one. In fact, I think the party's done shut down, but I had to comment. What is it with you boys and your huge fascination with penises and poop? Just so you know, in case you haven't figured it out yet,(because Lord knows my husband hasn't), we girls don't share your turd love. My husband always leaves the most vile things unflushed and when I scream, he's all, "I couldn't flush it, cause somebody had to see it."It must be a defective gene where you boys never lose your 6 yr old potty humor. Very cute story, by the way.

  52. Tracy says:

    That is a conversation that only two guys could have.

  53. Totally awesome, Mooog. This is why God says children are a blessing. Forget about all that other stuff that makes them feel like not a blessing.

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