Twix or Tweets – Volume Three

Posted: February 26, 2010 in about me, twitter tweets, wtf

Before I start today, I just want to be serious for a second (mark your calendar) and go all-out and pimp myself out.

Hey..even I get tired of the beatings from Rodrigo after a while.

On April 2nd, I will be the ‘Special Guest Host’ for a fundraising bash for New Hampshire HorseTalk Therapeutic Services which is an organization that provides hippotherapy services.

When I was first asked to do this by the fantastic Mama Whiskey from The Whiskey Girls, I was all like:

“Horses can talk? Why can’t they raise their own money, then?”

“What is hippotherapy? I thought hippos were pretty dangerous except for Henrietta Hippo who, as far as hippos go, was pretty hot.”

But then Mama Whiskey told me to shut the Hell up or she’d get, like, Carrot Top or some other W-lister to do this so I went to the site and found out that they do some really really miraculous stuff for people who need it and apparently I’m just a stupid asshole.

So – you’ll be able to find ME – yes ME – on April 2nd at Milly’s Tavern in Manchester, NH hosting this awesome event.

Bands, auctions, masssages from the Whiskey Girls, Cabin Fever Whiskey, raffles..a ton of shit.

Come down.

Meet me.

Support the cause.

Have some fun.



Pain and Suffering.


The latest rage for asshole lazy bloggers is to self-promote themselves by reposting some of their own Twitter Tweets as blog posts.

I am now stooping to this level.

Actually, I’m 5′-2″ tall.

No stooping required. Already there.


Below are some of my very own Tweets that I’ve subjected my 12 followers to.

Click here for Volume One and Volume Two.

The skew on this one, though:

All things of my blog’s search results (things people have searched on and in which ‘Mental Poo’ came up in the results).



My blog is #8 in the search for ‘Tony Danza Anal Rape.’ Um…Who’s the boss? I think we all know now, Tony.

My blog came up in the search for ‘vasectomy party.’ I’d hate to see the cake. Worst. Party. EVER

My blog is #8 in the search for “Angela Lansbury Naked.” Dick Van Dyke, you’re one sick motherfucker

Search my blog came up in: “motorcycle vibration orgasm.” Like I’d EVER put my bike away if I could get that to happen. Oh. Women. Nevermind

my blog shows up in this search: “midget pirates using shit as lube for dogs.” I’m so proud I could cry.

I’m #10 in the search for ‘poop porn.’ I seriously need to try harder for that top spot.

Search my blog comes up in: “women eating food stuck in their asses.” Looks like my dad is using his new PC.

search my blog comes up in: “Dog fucked my daughter.” Dude. Why are you Googling this and not killing the goddamn dog?!

Latest search my blog shows up in: “peasant porn.” Really? Don’t they have enough problems? I mean, shit, they’re peasants.

latest search my blog is in: “things that a piece of poo would do.” My answers would be ‘exit’ and ‘smell.’

My blog just came up in the search for “mr big hairy ball.” That’s me. Minus the ‘big’ and ‘hairy’ parts.

My blog is #12 in this search: ‘eat my shaved peach.’ I need to check out those 11 other sites IMMEDIATELY.

my blog just appeared in this search: “women eating dog sperm porn.” Um…Without seeing it, I’m guessing it’s the worst. porno. ever.

My blog came up in the search for ‘alternative midgets.’ Because if your first choice of midgets doesn’t pan out, you always have me.

My blog came up in this search: ‘poo in a condom.’ Huh. Guess I used them wrong. Explains why my kids smell like shit, though.

blog was in this search: “amputee porn.” Why didn’t I think of this? Easiest porn ever. What can they do, lean on you to death?

Blog just came up in the search for ‘Ask the magic poo.’ There’s a magic poo?! I feel SO ripped off with this stupid 8-ball.

My blog just came up in this search: “where are midget maids.” Like my toilet would look this gross if I knew.

blog came up in this search: “cant relax the sphincter to poo.” Yeah? Try prison. I have the OPPOSITE problem.


If you’re linked to me on Facebook, you may have seen these as well.

If you want to find me in either place, click here.

Twitter at: or you can just click this button:

Find me at Facebook by clicking here:

You’ve been warned.



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