Pornographic Astrology and Breakfast Sausages

Posted: February 25, 2010 in movies, the annoying shit I do, wtf

Just file this under “The Stupid Shit I Think About” and let’s call it a day.

I saw one of those stupid fucking Jimmy Dean commercials where it has become apparent to me that retirement hasn’t been good to Larry Bird or maybe that guy from ‘Babe’ if he’s stuffing himself in a goddamn sun suit and hawking breakfast sausage sandwiches.


That’ll do, pig.

That’ll do.

NOMNOMNOMNOMNOM.

In this one commercial, Larry-Bird-James-Cromwell-Jimmy-Dean-Sun-Guy (LBJCJDSG) is making breakfast.

FOR HIS FAMILY.


????

How does this guy have a goddamn family?

HE IS A FLAMING BALL OF GAS.

(shout out to my dad here)

So, of course I’m sitting there and thinking shit like:

1) How does the sun possibly get laid?

2) Wouldn’t his kids be, like, small stars or some shit?

3) When the sun ejaculates, is it in the form of, like, a solar flare?

4) Is his wife made of teflon? How the Hell hasn’t he cauterized her vagina shut?

This is shit I think of.

Don’t ask why…doctors are stumped.

But this is also why my wife hates watching television with me.

You should see what I think of when those Aflac commercials come on with that annoying duck and the black guy who’s always like, ‘Whadafuck I just see?’

Seriously. It’s not pretty.

Just like Mrs. Sun’s cauterized labia.

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