How to Clamscape Using the Disney Method

Posted: February 15, 2010 in friends, manscaping, relationships, work, wtf

Nothing tells a man ‘you’re my friend’ more than an Instant Message asking him how you should shave your labia.

Let me explain.

The other day I’m sitting here at ‘work’ and my Instant Message window pops up.

It’s from Kellie, a woman I used to work with years ago even though she’s located in a remote office in Oregon.

I know.

“Remote” and “Oregon” are kind of redundant.

Also, I’m just as surprised as you are to learn that they have electricity and ‘puters in Oregon, nevermind the wonder of Instant Messaging.

Apparently, though, she was able to drop the PETA protest sign, lay off the pot and let go of the trees long enough to ask me something.

This was not the first, nor do I bet it’s the last, time that Kellie IM’s me



Here’s the IM:


Kellie: so my friend Melissa and I are debating the bare vagina

Kellie: and of course that made me think of you


On a related note:


Also, I think I now have some options here for a new tagline.

“When you think of bare vaginas, think Moooooog”

Moooooog: Linked to bare vaginas since 2009…except that unsolved murder one…that’s something different entirely and all they evidence they have is completely circumstantial.”

“When you think ‘pussy,’ think Moooooog.”

Sadly, I heard that last one a lot in grammar school.

Kids can be mean.

Okay..back to the bare vagina discussion:


midgetmanofsteel: Bare vaginas? Um…what’s to debate?

Kellie: so I think having nice short curls is great

Kellie: but Melissa’s a bald twat

Kellie: nude camel toe

you’re dainty


(Editor’s note: Kellie is not dainty…however she can be whatever you want her to be for $125 an hour with a three hour limit. Don’t ask me how I know that.)


Kellie: dainty um no

Kellie: but as a man-whore what do you prefer?

Kellie: bald or nicely trimmed?

midgetmanofsteel: bald is beautiful

Kellie: mmmm


* blink

No, not pausing on the ‘man-whore’ thing…that’s a given.

See that ‘mmmm’ right there?

That confused me…

…because I’m not sure if she meant ‘hmmm,’ like:

‘interesting response’

…or ‘mmmm’ like:


Oh. Look.



My answer:


midgetmanofsteel: although..honestly..if it goes by the name of ‘vagina‘ and I’m anywhere near it, that’s good enough for me.

Kellie: aww that’s my guy!

midgetmanofsteel: depends on the trimming…like…a little landing strip or something is fine…maybe my name carved into it like one of those Disney World hedges

Kellie: nice hedge

although, really…Jiminy Cricket = not the way to go

Kellie: LOL

Kellie: ok enough vagina talk…cya!


“Enough vagina talk,” she said.

Like there even is such a thing.

Well…maybe in Oregon.

They DO have their dope to get back to, you know.

Moog out.


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