No Sooner a Nooner than an Afternooner is a Goner

Posted: January 19, 2010 in sex, wife

Hold on one second.

I’m admiring this title.

Sometimes I’m brilliant.

On a related note:

This is not one of those times.

This post falls under the category of another ‘My Wife – She Taunts Me’ article.

For other versions of this, feel free to click here and here.

Don’t worry..this one doesn’t have Rachael Ray in it.

Thank God.

My wife, being a teacher, had a few days over the summer where she was alone.

Alone at home.

Alone at home without the kids.

* boing

You see where I’m going with this, right?

If so, let me know…the whole ‘Rachael Ray’ thing made my brain throw up.

I mean, hot…kinda…but she opens her mouth and all you want to do is punch her in the throat.

So where was I?

Oh yeah.


So, obviously, with me being a guy and having a penis and thinking about sex every seven seconds and OMG OMG I love Scarlett Johansson’s boobs and the hot redhead on the first floor wore a skirt today with hooker boots and great now I have to go masturbate.

(20 seconds later) with my wife being home alone, and a mere 7 miles away from my work…

I figured I’d shoot her up for a ‘nooner.’

Afternoon Delight, if you will. my case…

Ten Seconds to Love.

I’m pathetic.

So, the first day my wife was home…I sent this email:


To: Mrs. Moog
From: Mr. Moog



That’s it.

Just a simple ‘nooner?’ request.

Then I sent it.

About 5 minutes later I get a phone call from her.

I figure she’s taking me up on this.

Me: “Heeeeeey.”

(I’m Fonzie)

Me: “You ready for your nooner?”

Wife: “Ugh. REALLY? I get ONE day all to myself. Just leave me alone.”


I’m guessing that’s a ‘not today, my love.’

In her defense, I really really suck.

But a week or so later…


Another nooner opportunity arises!

Wife kids.

Let’s give this another shot.

The email goes out (I save them in ‘Drafts’ for just such emergencies):


Mrs. Moog
From: Mr. Moog



And I wait.

5 minutes later…

No phone call.

1/2 hour later…

No phone call.

No return email, either.


She just…


Jesus H. Christ.


If Seinfeld had a Nooner Nazi I’d be the guy in line saying ‘Oh..oh…that nooner looks good…can I have that with a BJ, too? Oh..wait…maybe we’ll just skip the foreplay since I’m on lunch break..’ and he’d be all stern and angry and slamming his nooner spatulas and screaming “NO NOONER FOR YOU!!”


So, the last time my wife was home alone for the summer without kids, I didn’t even bother.

I didn’t even mention it.

But she did.

I get home and get…


Wife: “I was going to email you today to see if you wanted a nooner.”

* blink

Me: “REALLY?!”

Wife: “Then I realized that it was 12:15 so it was already too late.”

Then she laughed.

I laughed, too.

She’s really pretty funny.

But yeah…my wife…

She taunts me.

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