Kissing Under the Foot of War with my Facebook Friends

Posted: December 29, 2009 in friends, holidays, I'm an asshole, kids

It’s like I write the titles of these things while I’m on acid.

Which is only partly true.

Some post-holiday stuff for you.

Even on Facebook I’m a Prick

Last week, one of my friends on Facebook wrote this as his status:

Bob: “Is this dumb-ass holiday over yet??”

To which I replied:

“Oh, you have your own holiday?”

I’m a good friend.

Then another guy I used to work with updated his status with this:

Woody: “I feel like I am the only one at work today…… Where is everybody? Why am I here? If a tree falls in the woods and no one is around to hear it, does it make a noise? If I say I’m at work and no one is around…. am I really at work?”

To which I replied:

“Hey, Woody. For Christmas, I wanted someone to ask me 53 different questions, so thanks for that.

There IS a Santa!”

Yes, I have a friend named ‘Woody.’

No, it’s not my penis.

I need pills for that.

The Violent Kissing Foot

My daughter walked up to me two days before Christmas and said:

Daughter: “Daddy? Can you draw mistletoe?”

Who am I to turn down such a nice request?

Me: “Of course, honey. One minute.”

I gave the drawing to her, which she then colored.

It is now hung up over our entry from the garage.

Here it is:


Don’t worry…after my daughter’s initial disappointment, she remembered who she’s dealing with and got a kick out of it.

Get it?

Got a kick?

Maybe Santa should have brought me some better jokes.

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