Is that Flour on Your Taser or are You Just Happy to See Me?

Posted: December 15, 2009 in friends, wtf


Worst. Party. Ever.

Let me explain.

I’m coming to the conclusion that 14 years ago, I had the…

Worst. Bachelor Party. Ever.

How am I getting to this conclusion?

Well..it’s all thanks to my friend, Mike.

You see…

Mike recently went to a bachelor party.

Then he IM’s me and rubs my fucking nose in it.

It’s a similar feeling to this:

******************

Mike: Hey, Rod. How was your night?

Midgetmanofsteel: Great! I had ice cream – frozen yogurt actually…yummy! – and watched Hell’s Kitchen. They’re down to 6 chefs and it’s REALLY getting down to the wire!

Mike: Nice. I fucked three chicks with various food items. Here’s the video.

Midgetmanofsteel: I hate you.

******************

Hey…hey Mike.

Here’s a pile of dogshit…would you be so kind as to rub my nose in it?

Thanks in advance.

Fuck.


Here’s the shit Mike sends me about the bachelor party he recently attended in a rented house on Nantucket:

******************
(recap)

Police officer: “Ok..the party is over or I’m writing you all up for noise violations.”

Mike: “Officer, you know that I’m a lot bigger than you…right?”

Officer: “You know I have a taser…right?”

Mike’s friends in the background: “Tase him…tase him…tase him…”

******************

On a related note:

Mike has good friends.


After the party was over, the home owner emailed them about the…um…”condition” of the house.

******************
(email from homeowner):

I received a call from our caretaker/cleaning crew and needless to say the house was left in horrible condition.

There was trash all over the yard, some sort of flour all over downstairs in the basement, garbage everywhere, an awful smell in the house and dishes piled up everywhere.

******************

Nice, Mike.

You know…it just isn’t a party without leaving the house smelling like shit…

…covered in garbage and ‘some sort of flour’ all over the basement.

Although, seriously, I’m guessing one of the chefs on Hell’s Kitchen would have been able to make something fantastic using that flour in the basement.


Am I jealous?

You bet your sweet ass I’m jealous.

Because I would have taken the fucking brutal tasing over my fucking shitwad bachelor party.

Eric..if you’re reading this..I’m kidding it was awesome!

(Everyone else: the above line is total bullshit)

Ugh.

MY bachelor party.

You’ll read about that fuckshow at some point.

Which involved paintball, bruises, bleeding, a concussion, and me fast asleep by four in the afternoon.

FUCK.

But that’s a story for another time.

Right now, I’m getting me some frozen yogurt.

Yeah.

I cry sometimes.

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