Sex with Pastry and Blind Education – Moogism Volume 1

Posted: November 16, 2009 in kids are fun to lie to, moogisms, sex, wtf

Today I unveil a new segment based on LiLu’s popular and always funny:

‘Shiz my Boyfriend Says’theme.

Since I don’t have a boyfriend…

(As such, my sphincter is nearly flawless! Yay for heterosexual me!)

…I’m doing this about my own quotes.

I love myself.

You can, too, for $85 an hour.

I accept PayPal.

Where was I?

Oh..yes…shit I say.

“Moogisms,” if you will.

(trademark pending)

Today’s Moogism Episode:

Sex with Pastry and Blind Education

ONWARD!!
*****************
Blind Education

My 6 year old son was getting ready for karate the other night.

As we were leaving, I noticed he had a new water ‘sport bottle.’

On it was a logo for ‘Spindel Eye Associates.’

Because, you know, nothing screams ‘I’M SPORTY!’ like the optometry profession.

Me: “Cam…where did you get that water bottle?”

Cam: “We had to take an eye test at school today.”

Me: “No kidding. How did you do?”

Cam: “I passed. I didn’t miss a single letter!”

Me: “Phew. That’s good. Because you know, if you fail an eye test, they won’t let you into college.”

* blink

Cam: “Really?”

Me: “No. Not Really.”

*****************
Sex with Pastry

My wife is an excellent baker.

She still remains the only woman I know who can burn water, but she can bake the shit out of cookies and cakes.

So the other day, I walked into work with a big plate of  iced pumpkin cookies she made.

My friend, Kristin, who I share a cube with, tried one.

Kristin: “Oh my God..these are good.”

Me: “I know. Her baking season has started and she’s off to a good start.”

Kristin: “What else is she making?”

Me: “Next up is ‘pumpkin roll.’

I. Heart. Pumpkin roll.

Kristin: “Pumpkin roll? Is it good?”

Me: “IS IT GOOD? Holy shit, if I didn’t think it was illegal, I would totally fuck pumpkin roll.”

Yes..I told her I would fuck a large gourd-derived pastry.

It’s that good.

Unfortunately, I told my wife about this conversation the other night.

I don’t think she’s letting me anywhere near her pumpkin roll this year.

You know…

Probably a good idea.

Moog out.

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