Doing Halloween…Doggy Style

Posted: November 2, 2009 in halloween, holidays, kids, pets, wtf

Shit.

I’ve become one of THOSE people.

I know you’re thinking ‘underwear model,’ but that’s not what I mean.

(Hanes…call me)

No..this Halloween I became one of those people…

…who DRESSES UP THEIR DOG.

* blink

You know, for Halloween.

The other times I dress her up are strictly for sexual purposes.

Perhaps I’ve said too much.


We planned on taking our new dog, Sophie, out with us for Halloween.

My daughter Payton BEGGED me incessantly to buy her an outfit.

Payton: “Hey Dad, can we buy her a Halloween costume?”

Me: “Okay.”

Maybe ‘begged’ is too strong a term.

We tried a few things on her.

Count Soph-ula:


Sophie Montana:


Wonder Sophie:

My wife, upon seeing these photos looked at me and said:

Wife: “I guess I know what you do when I’m out of the house, now.”

Honey, you have NO idea.

Regardless, we ended up settling on a little outfit with a tutu that said:

“So Cute, It’s SCARY!”


On a related note:

I may be gay.

So, some random notes about Halloween this year:

The Kids

My kids went as a Vampiress and a Ninja.


My daughter, Payton, got tons of great comments about her Vampire costume.

My son, Cam, instead got shit like this:

“Oooh..a Jedi!”

“What are you…a sous chef?”

“Wow…Darth Vader!”

Really?

Darth Vader?


Idiots.

When someone looked at him and said, “Cool Ninja,” my son yelled out:

“FINALLY! Someone gets me!”

And now I’m jealous.

No one ever gets me.

The Pencil Lady

Every year the kids stop at one house where the lady just apparently doesn’t get it.

Last year, she handed out pencils.

Pencils.

Listen, lady, if I wanted to spend forty bucks on costumes so my kids could get office supplies, I’d take them to fucking Staples.

Bitch.


So this year, as the kids were heading up to the door we reminded them to say ‘thank you’ no matter what they got…

..even if it was a stupid fucking pencil.

Seriously, lady.

The fuck you thinking?

So, the kids go up, she pops out and drops something in their bag.

My son, still standing at the top step with the woman still in the door, turns around and yells to us in the street:

“HEY! WE DIDN’T GET A PENCIL THIS YEAR!”

Um.

Great.

Not too embarrassing, Cam.

No..no pencil this year.

They got a plastic centipede instead.

Lady, you suck at this shit.

Just do us all a favor and shut your lights off next year.

The Chinese Kid

My wife and I, and a couple of our friends are standing on the street as the kids go up to another house.

An Asian family comes up, and their son runs to the door as they stand right next to us.

My son recognizes the boy and says ‘hi’ to him as they pass each other.

As Cam is walking towards us, he yells:

“Hey mom! You know that Chinese kid I told you about..?!”

* cricket

Our friends look up, stifling a laugh, and immediately flee the area.

Awesome.

Another Halloween done…

…and all we got was plastic bugs, beastiality references and embarrassing racism.

Can’t wait til next year.

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