Can Someone Please Splain This?

Posted: October 26, 2009 in if Spanish is the new English we're all doomed, sad teaching stories, wife

Yet another episode of “The ICKF.”

(The Inner City Kindergarten Files)

Right on queue, my wife starts bringing home the comedic gold as soon as school starts.

She teaches in an inner-city school.

For those of you who live in that city, let me rephrase that:

“Chee teech inna inna chitty skoo.”


Such a beautiful language.

She teaches kindergarten, which is safer for her.

At that age they really haven’t fully mastered the automatic weapon yet.

That’s why I told her to turn down the second grade position.


She sent a homework assignment home the other night, with these simple instructions:

“Color the shape that is the same as the first shape in each row.”

Pretty easy, right?


Well…not if you’re one of my wife’s non-English speaking students.


…their mother.

Because the next day, the kid turns in the homework, unfinished, with this note from his mother attached:

(actual note – click to enlarge)

Please say the following in your best Desi Arnaz impression for best effect (punctuation added by yours truly for clarification):

“I dont andertand by each shap.
Is it all the same shape or what.
Can u splain for me nex time.

* blink

* blink blink




Can u splain?


Sure, I can splain.

You’re a fucking idiot.

How’s that for a splanation?


Maybe I should translate that into Spanish:

Choo ees won stoopid chit.



Spanish just rolls right off the tongue, doesn’t it?


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