Will Post Articles for Pants

Posted: September 23, 2009 in kids, parenting

My original title to this was:

“Fucking Kids”

But I feared that some people would get here thinking it was a ‘How-To’ post instead of reading the title like: “Fucking kids…they drive me nuts.”

So I changed it.

I’m guessing these people will still get here anyway.

Welcome, NAMBLA members!!


Where was I?


My son’s Tee-Ball game.


My son started fall Tee-ball a few weeks ago.

Watching a tee-ball game is akin to watching the hair on your toe knuckles grow except that there’s not as much excitement.

Tee-ball slogan: “And you think you were bored BEFORE?!”

I was getting my son ready for the game when we realized that his baseball pants were a bit snug.

Me: “That too tight, buddy?”

Son: “Gaaaah…gaaahhh…whheeeeezzz”

Me: “Ok, good. Hey…you look funny when your face is purple.”

(son passes out)

So, my son had to wear some pants that were a bit too tight around his middle.

Me: “It’s okay..we’ll go this weekend and get you a new pair, okay?”

Son: “Okay.”

His acknowledgement of ‘okay’ meant, to me, that he understood.

He would have to go one game with these pants…

…then we would just run out and get him new ones.

On a related note:

Parents are stupid.

Here’s how I know my assumption of his understanding was wrong.

You see…

We were in the dugout after the game.

The kids were there.

The parents were there.

The coaches were there.

I was there.

Packed house.

That’s when one of the kids looks at my son and says:

Kid: “Cameron..your fly is down!”

The other kids start laughing..at which point both me and my son look down at his zipper.

His fly is NOT down.

It’s just kind of, open a tiny bit at the top because we couldn’t zipper it all the way because they were so tight.

So..here is how my son decides to respond:

Son: “My fly ISN’T down…it’s just that these pants are too small!”

* pause

..and then..the gem…

Son: …because my parents can’t afford to buy me new pants!


* cricket

I look up.

All the parents are looking at me.


That’s just awesome, Cam.

I don’t recall saying we were hobos…but this should work out well in regards to my public standing.

Thanks so much for that.

Fucking kids.


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