K.

I’m back after the sobfest from the other day.

Thanks to all of you who sent your awesome thoughts.

But now I’m back and ready to roll.

You’re welcome.

Now…onward and with full humorous force!!

*********************************

Chicks will totally dig me now.

Let me explain.

I finally had my very last orthopedist appointment regarding my mangled, broken, surgically enhanced finger.

Here’s how that went:

Dr.: “So..do you have any questions?”

Me: “Yeah…um…it still feels really tight and hurts a bit.”

Hot nurse: “I’ll show you something really tight…”

Then I woke up.

I watch a lot of porn.

I’ve digressed.

Dr.: “It will feel that way for a while. You’re at 3 months. After 6 months, though, it is what it is…that’s how it will be for the rest of your life.”

Thanks, doc.

How fucking uplifting you are.

Here…here’s a shiv made from a spork…

Why don’t you stick me with it…right here…side of the neck.

Thanks in advance.


I had one last question:

Me: “Now…I still can’t straighten it.”

On a related note, that exact same sentence got me a prescription of Levitra from my normal physician.

Apparently, this is probably about as straight as it’s going to get.

Here’s my hand, with my fingers straightened out:


Fucking ay.

It’s going to STAY like this?!

Then…

…it dawned on me.

With a little ingenuity, and some savvy marketing…

I’m going to be in high demand.

Because I know what this reminds me of now.


LOOK OUT, LADIES!!

That’s right.

I’m now in possession of a lethal weapon of the G-Spot kind.

Broken, crippled hand?!

FUCK NO!

SEXYTIME FINGER OF FUN is more like it!

Now available for party rentals.

Inquire within.

That’s what she said.

Advertisements
Comments
  1. the iNDefatigable mjenks says:

    Looks like you might be at a disadvantage for handing out The Shocker, though.

  2. the iNDefatigable mjenks says:

    Looks like you might be at a disadvantage for handing out The Shocker, though.

  3. The Peach Tart says:

    Oh la la!

  4. The Peach Tart says:

    Oh la la!

  5. Winky Twinky says:

    Hmmm…a deadly weapon AND pleasure tool.. double threat!

  6. Winky Twinky says:

    Hmmm…a deadly weapon AND pleasure tool.. double threat!

  7. Blonde Goddess says:

    I don't know if I've ever told you this before but Mr.Man has the same problem with his finger.
    It's one of the reasons I married him.
    So let's just say that I think you're on to something there and leave it at that, ok?

  8. Blonde Goddess says:

    I don't know if I've ever told you this before but Mr.Man has the same problem with his finger.
    It's one of the reasons I married him.
    So let's just say that I think you're on to something there and leave it at that, ok?

  9. Christina_the_wench says:

    Does it come in other colors?

  10. Christina_the_wench says:

    Does it come in other colors?

  11. Bird Shit and Baby Caca says:

    You can be part of the boyband "Fingerbang" on South Park now.

  12. Bird Shit and Baby Caca says:

    You can be part of the boyband "Fingerbang" on South Park now.

  13. Mike says:

    It's a pinky on a guy who's 5'2" tall.

    The only dildoing you'll successfully do is on virgins.

    And maybe anus's.

    Good luck with that eh?

  14. Mike says:

    It's a pinky on a guy who's 5'2" tall.

    The only dildoing you'll successfully do is on virgins.

    And maybe anus's.

    Good luck with that eh?

  15. moooooog35 says:

    Mjenks: ..or the best shocker ever?!?

    So you'd think…but that's my LEFT hand. I'm a righty.

    Shocker city, baby. Shocker. City.

    Peach: At $25/hour…this may be the best way to spend your husband's money.

    Just sayin'.

    Winky: I'm like Jackie Chan but completely opposite.

    BG: He has a surgically repaired hand from a karate sparring incident leaving him with a plate and three screws as well?

    Creepy.

    Christina: Only if I drink chocolate milk or assorted food colorings right from the bottle.

    Oh. Does IT come in other colors.

    Nevermind.

    Birdshit: That would be great if I was a cartoon.

    Well..MORE cartoonish.

    Mike: Sounds like you're volunteering.

    Again.

    Yay! My first customer!

  16. moooooog35 says:

    Mjenks: ..or the best shocker ever?!?

    So you'd think…but that's my LEFT hand. I'm a righty.

    Shocker city, baby. Shocker. City.

    Peach: At $25/hour…this may be the best way to spend your husband's money.

    Just sayin'.

    Winky: I'm like Jackie Chan but completely opposite.

    BG: He has a surgically repaired hand from a karate sparring incident leaving him with a plate and three screws as well?

    Creepy.

    Christina: Only if I drink chocolate milk or assorted food colorings right from the bottle.

    Oh. Does IT come in other colors.

    Nevermind.

    Birdshit: That would be great if I was a cartoon.

    Well..MORE cartoonish.

    Mike: Sounds like you're volunteering.

    Again.

    Yay! My first customer!

  17. Stacie's Madness says:

    i love you. (and your finger)
    looks like you bounced right back.

  18. Stacie's Madness says:

    i love you. (and your finger)
    looks like you bounced right back.

  19. Funnyrunner says:

    LLOL. Sure you're not making up for an insecurity for another body part? My favorite line: "why must I be so deadly!" llol

  20. Funnyrunner says:

    LLOL. Sure you're not making up for an insecurity for another body part? My favorite line: "why must I be so deadly!" llol

  21. Chris@Maugeritaville says:

    I'm at a loss for words. And that takes some doing.

  22. Chris@Maugeritaville says:

    I'm at a loss for words. And that takes some doing.

  23. LiLu says:

    Is your pinky the clitoral stimula-

    Never mind.

    That's between you and your God.

  24. LiLu says:

    Is your pinky the clitoral stimula-

    Never mind.

    That's between you and your God.

  25. FawkesFire says:

    you're so optimistic it's cute. but you gotta give it a more savvy name then that….

    good luck with the finger, btw. hope you heal up. take care!

  26. FawkesFire says:

    you're so optimistic it's cute. but you gotta give it a more savvy name then that….

    good luck with the finger, btw. hope you heal up. take care!

  27. ettarose says:

    Yeah you definitely have to come up with a smooth name. How about "Moooooog's Mood Mangler" I think the middle finger would be just right.

  28. ettarose says:

    Yeah you definitely have to come up with a smooth name. How about "Moooooog's Mood Mangler" I think the middle finger would be just right.

  29. moooooog35 says:

    Stacie: If I had a nickel for every time I heard that, including this one, I'd have roughly a nickel.

    Funnyrunner: I'm not making up for an insecurity.

    I'm totally secure in the fact that I have a small love thimble.

    Chris: Loss for words?

    Dude…I counted 11 of them.

    Lilu: Clitoral? Speak English, woman!!

    Fawkes: I also have nice white teeth.

    (trying to expand on my mysterious cuteness)

    Ettarose: Moog's Mood Mangler? Jesus…that's my penis' name.

    Kills the mood…every time.

  30. moooooog35 says:

    Stacie: If I had a nickel for every time I heard that, including this one, I'd have roughly a nickel.

    Funnyrunner: I'm not making up for an insecurity.

    I'm totally secure in the fact that I have a small love thimble.

    Chris: Loss for words?

    Dude…I counted 11 of them.

    Lilu: Clitoral? Speak English, woman!!

    Fawkes: I also have nice white teeth.

    (trying to expand on my mysterious cuteness)

    Ettarose: Moog's Mood Mangler? Jesus…that's my penis' name.

    Kills the mood…every time.

  31. j.fro says:

    If the shocker is going to be challenging, than the Spocker is definitely out of the question!

  32. j.fro says:

    If the shocker is going to be challenging, than the Spocker is definitely out of the question!

  33. coffeypot says:

    Good news on your hand, Rob. I had my right hand crushed between to numismatic dyes and had several compound fractures. My hand now is 95% normal and I can still masturbate with glee, but my middle (social) finger will not straighten out. Luckily I can still titillate the ladies with it without it getting tired or soar, but I had months of therapy to get to this point. Enjoy your new oddity. You will have something to talk about at parties.

  34. coffeypot says:

    Good news on your hand, Rob. I had my right hand crushed between to numismatic dyes and had several compound fractures. My hand now is 95% normal and I can still masturbate with glee, but my middle (social) finger will not straighten out. Luckily I can still titillate the ladies with it without it getting tired or soar, but I had months of therapy to get to this point. Enjoy your new oddity. You will have something to talk about at parties.

  35. Alyxherself says:

    Yeah, I was wondering if they ordered occupational therapy for you? if not, insist on it, please! It's worth the effort to recover your ligamenture and mobility. After 10 years as a medical receptionist I can say that my (non-standardised) survey reveals that those who recive post op therapy end up closer to or all the way at 100%.

  36. Alyxherself says:

    Yeah, I was wondering if they ordered occupational therapy for you? if not, insist on it, please! It's worth the effort to recover your ligamenture and mobility. After 10 years as a medical receptionist I can say that my (non-standardised) survey reveals that those who recive post op therapy end up closer to or all the way at 100%.

  37. Malicious Intent says:

    But it's kinda small.

  38. Malicious Intent says:

    But it's kinda small.

  39. AD says:

    LOL.

    Malicious Intent stole what I was gonna say.
    ;]

  40. AD says:

    LOL.

    Malicious Intent stole what I was gonna say.
    ;]

  41. Malach the Merciless says:

    Trust me, could be much worse, I can;t straighten my right elbow

  42. Malach the Merciless says:

    Trust me, could be much worse, I can;t straighten my right elbow

  43. VE says:

    Fingers are so last decade. Hoofs are all the rage now…

  44. VE says:

    Fingers are so last decade. Hoofs are all the rage now…

  45. CatLadyLarew says:

    Let's hear it for the Sexy Finger of Fun!

  46. CatLadyLarew says:

    Let's hear it for the Sexy Finger of Fun!

  47. unfinishedrambler says:

    Every cloud has a silver lining, doesn't it? 🙂 And then some…

  48. unfinishedrambler says:

    Every cloud has a silver lining, doesn't it? 🙂 And then some…

  49. meleah rebeccah says:

    ahahahahahah.

    But in all seriousness I hope your pinky doesn't stay like that forever!

  50. meleah rebeccah says:

    ahahahahahah.

    But in all seriousness I hope your pinky doesn't stay like that forever!

  51. DeLi_ZaL says:

    here is my complete usher collection Sesli Chat Enjoy!

    Sesli Sohbet

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s