Vacation Post Redux #4 – The Worst Seat in the Otaku

Posted: July 17, 2009 in I'm an asshole, rants, vacation

Since I’m gone on vacation this week, I thought I’d bring you:

Mental Poo Vacation Stories Week

Thanks go out to the one person who’s clapping.

Sit down, asshole…you’re embarrassing yourself.

Today, in the first installment, I bring you “The Worst Seat in the Otaku”

This post was first presented in July, 2008.

This post is a recollection of a week the wife and I spent in Seattle…

…as the Boston Red Sox were out there for a West Coast road trip.

We have to follow them. It’s the law here in New England.

Yankees Suck!!

There. Glad that’s out of the way.

Enjoy.

And see you back on Monday.

******************


Take a picture, why don’t ya?

Actually…

…that’s ALL they did.

Let me explain.

My wife and I attended three Red Sox games during our 6-day stint in Seattle. During our down time, we would stroll the city and see the sights.

Unfortunately, the sights primarily consist of homeless people and large groups of Japanese.

Personally, I think it would be good to do a “Celebrity Family Feud”

…but with one side being Seattle’s homeless and the other being Japanese tourists.

“Let’s Play – FAMILY FEUD!!…”

Al Roker: “OH MY GOD…I’M SO HUNGRY.”

Sorry..sorry…


…let’s start over:

Al Roker: “..the top three answers are on the board. Name something that everyone does at least once a day.”

*BUZZ!!*

Al Roker: “Homeless guy you’re the first one to buzz in – give me your answer.”

Homeless guy: “These flies!! These flies are in my skull!! Why are they laughing at me?!? I LIKE BEETS!!”

Al Roker: “Ooohkay…Japanese tourist. What’s your answer?”

Japanese tourist: “PingWAAAAAA…Dong WOOONG Picachu FeelOOOONg…ICHIRO SUZUKI!!!

(cameras start going off at the Japanese tourist podium)

Ichiro Suzuki.

Ugh.

Ichiro Suzuki is a Japanese player for the Seattle Mariners. Apparently, he’s so popular in Japan that people travel from Japan to Seattle JUST to see him.


I was told that sometimes, they come from Japan just to see the BALLPARK he plays in…then…

…they go home.

Seriously.

The only person I’d ever consider doing that for would be Rachael Ray.

It would have to be a public hanging…but I’d still travel for it.

So, at the ballgame, here’s what it would look like with Ichiro on the bench:


..and with Ichiro at the plate:


What. The. F*ck.

EVERY at-bat this happened. EVERY ONE.

Seriously…how many f*cking pictures of this guy do you need?

Not that it mattered to me.

Why you ask?

Well…because here was MY view of the field (actual photo from my seat):


Being short SUCKS.

Also, a nice “Thank you, Safeco field” here for putting a .001% grade on the f*cking seats.

Yeah – it gets better.

Here was my view from Game 3:

On the bright side, though, this guy’s size shielded me from the blinding camera flashes from the Japanese tourists.

Until he moved…

…and then Neal and Bob came and sat down in front of us instead:


Awesome.

No longer blinded by camera flashes, I’m instead rendered horrified as one guy rubs another guy’s neck lovingly in front of me…

…then up the back of his shirt…

Mother. F*cker.

BRING BACK THE FAT GUY!!

Or a Japanese tourist…at least they’re skinny.

Apparently, they’ve been listening to Al Roker’s tips.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s