The Mental Poo Whirlwind Family Tour

Posted: July 13, 2009 in vacation

I’m outta here.

Actually…I left yesterday.

To my darling prostitute, Glenda:

I’ll have to pay you when I get back. You will find your ball gag and anal beads in the top right drawer. You may want to wash the ball gag, as I think I may have mixed the two up.

They hate when you pull that shit.

The family and I have headed out on our yearly vacation together.

This year, we’re off to the following destinations:

1) Three nights in New York City

New York City’s Motto:

HEY, Asshole. Go fuck yourself! Badabing Badaboom!

They have long bumper stickers.

New York ain’t that bad.

It’s like watching ‘Emeril’ but with guns and hookers and musicals and shit.

And a little less garlic.

2) Two nights at Niagara Falls

I haven’t been to Niagara Falls since I was a little kid.

When I say ‘little’ I mean ‘giant fat piece of shit.’

How I didn’t wash down my three Big Mac’s for lunch every day with the cubic volume of the fucking Horseshoe Falls is still a mystery.

3) Two nights in Toronto

This is the cool part.

There are a ton of awesome strip joints in Toronto.

But, unfortunately, that’s not why we’re going. Actually, that’s not why my wife and kids are going.

I still plan on sneaking out when everyone’s sleeping.

Maybe I shouldn’t have written that part down.


We’re going to see the Red Sox play the Blue Jays.

My kids are psyched.

I am too.

I hear there’s a strip joint right next door.

I mean……a great bratwurst place. There’s a place there that sells great bratwurst.

Stupid stream of consciousness.

While I’m gone, I’ll be reposting some of my older posts that are either vacation or business-travel related.

Some of these posts never got the exposure that they should.

Like my prostitute, Glenda.

I really got to remember to pay that bitch when I get back.

Enjoy your week, folks.

And remember…the anal beads are the SMALL ones.

Moog out.


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