The Conversation Piece

Posted: July 9, 2009 in poop, wife, wtf

Mrs. Moooooog35 has it rough.

Because that’s the way she likes it.

I know because the UPS guy told me so.

But, hey…on the bright side:

FREE DELIVERY!

I’ve digressed.


Today, just three simple little conversation pieces between the wife and I.

Yes…a peek into the Moooooog household.

Don’t worry.

We’re probably not having sex.

Even if we were, I’m probably done already anyway.

***********************
Snippet #1:

Scene: We’re sitting on the couch watching television. I’m in shorts.

Wife (looking over):
“Wow. Your legs are hairy.”

Me: “What?”

Wife: “Your legs are hairy. Like, really hairy.”

* blink

We met in 1989.

20 years and she finds this out now.

I wonder if she’s noticed that I’m short.


***********************
Snippet #2:

Scene: I can’t find the milk.

Me (staring into fridge): “Where’s the milk?

Wife: “Don’t just stare into the fridge! Move things!”

Me: “I did.”

Wife: “Did you move the ketchup?”

Because, you know…

Shit’s always behind the fucking ketchup.

****** CUT HERE ******

Special Mental Poo Clip ‘N’ Save Section!!

Looking for your car keys and you’re late for work?

Check behind the ketchup.

At the park and your kid has gone missing?

Go home, open the fridge, and check behind the fucking ketchup.

****** CUT HERE ******

You’re welcome.


So…

The milk is apparently behind the ketchup.

Me (still staring into fridge): “Where’s the ketchup?”

(insert scene of unimaginable violence here)

Jeez.

***********************
Snippet #3:

Scene: Wife gets into her car to leave for work as I’m just getting out of the bathroom from doing poo.

The night before, I had Cap’n Crunch cereal for supper.

(we were out of ketchup)

I’m spoiled.

Me (running into the garage): “Whoa! One more kiss for the road!”

I lean into her window, give her a smooch, then say:

Me: “Hey…useful tidbit for the day…”

Wife: “What?”

Me: “Crunch Berries make your poo dark green.”


That was my imparting wisdom to her that fine morning.

Crunch Berries make your poo dark green.

Wife: *blink

Wordless…she starts backing out of the garage, as I stand there yelling after her:

Me: “Be careful what you do with that powerful knowledge!!”

* wife drives away without another word

Sometimes she doesn’t take me or my new found hairy legs seriously.

Hm.

“Serious” kinda sounds like “Cereal.”

Great…now I want Crunch Berries.

Where the fuck is that milk?!?

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