How my wife deals with teaching kindergarten at an inner-city school is beyond me.

She puts up with a lot, like:

1) Tantrums
2) Unintelligible conversations
3) Whining
4) Unrelenting verbal Abuse

And that’s just when I call her cell phone.

Imagine what the kids who can’t speak English do.

Crazy fucking shit, my friends.

Fo shizzle.

But, she also gives me a lot of fodder for this blog.

Like today.

One of the parents had to fill out some form that the school required.

I believe that conversation went like this:

Wife: “You have to fill out this form.”

Parent: “Que?”


(it works better if you speak loud and slow to immigrants)

Parent: “Que?…Eh…er…potato potato potato potato.”

(I believe all Spanish I’ve ever heard sounds just like the word ‘potato’ over and over again…TRY IT AT HOME, KIDS!)

Somehow, my wife got them to sign the form.

Or, as they say in Spanish, “Goya de Cerveza.”

Regardless…here’s the form.

Nothing worthy to note here, really.

Except the “Occupation” section.

Look closely.

(click to enlarge (that’s what she said))



McDonald’s ASSMAN?


Is this actually a position?!

And, if so…

Why the fuck am I working here?!

Oh. Yeah.

No zits and I can afford to buy gas.

But really…

Can I be a McDonald’s AssMan?!

I’m really more of a boob guy, but if this is all that’s open…

Wife: “I think he meant ‘Assistant Manager.'”




I’m still calling Kentucky Fried Chicken, anyway.

They HAVE to have someone in charge of breasts.

Clear skin is overrated anyway.

  1. Christina_the_wench says:

    Lordy. I wonder if the Burger King king needs a fluffer? Nevermind. That dude is scary as hell.

  2. Mike says:

    Dood, you ARE an assman.

    Fo shizzle.

  3. the iNDefatigable mjenks says:

    When I was in the 7th grade, I worked on the school paper. We interviewed the new Assistant Principal. We ended up crunched for space, so we did some clever abbreviations.

    It ended up "Jay Peters has been an Ass. Principal for many years…"

    Proudest moment of my life.

  4. Susan says:

    I think my two little step-sons are on their way to professional ASSMAN positions.


    They take after their dad in many ways.

  5. Winky Twinky says:

    ROFLMAO!! Yeah, I'm at work reading this…and suddenly my morning beverage shoots out my nose (ouch)… thanks for the laugh

  6. inkpuddle says:

    At my last job, we deliberately called our assistant manager the AssMan. He was too, so it worked.

  7. DouglasDyer says:

    Naw man, you don't want to get paid for being an assman. That takes all the fun out of it. It's like being a gynecologist.

  8. justjp says:

    In the assman position you will be required to walk up to customers and say "pound it fo' shiz"

  9. Lady Sarcasm says:

    Eating to much mcdonalds will give ya an ass to remember. Wouldn't blame them for havin an ass man around. Oh and they are hiring me for KFC, so better luck next time.. lol

  10. Chris@Maugeritaville says:

    Yep, those forms can be hilarious. Assman indeed. I got your two all beef patties RIGHT HERE.

  11. Tee aka The Diva's Thoughts says:

    You are one sick dude but I still keep coming back for more!!! Damn!!! Hahahaha!

  12. moooooog35 says:

    Christina: Nothing says 'class' like a chick who throws around words like 'fluffer.'

    See you at the double-wide RV show!

    Mike: Bloo?

    Mjenks: Nice. I wonder if other careers or hobbies have assistants.


    Explorers: Ass Explorer

    Food tasters: Ass Taster


    Susan: So your husband goes spelunking?

    Winky: Mental Poo: Nasal spray for the sick minded fuck in you.

    inkpuddle: Sometimes, the title fits.

    Like mine:

    "Brad Pitt."


    Doug: I fail to see your point.

    justjp: Aah..the voice of experience.

    Lady: I can't believe you scored the job. By the way, I'll have the 3 piece original and a side of slaw.

    Reach for the stars!

    Chris: Worst. Possible. Visual.

    Tee: It's like I'm heroin but instead of track marks I leave herpes sores.

    Perhaps I've said too much.

  13. Bird Shit and Baby Caca says:

    Seems like KFC gives you more to choose from whether you are a breast man, thigh man, wing man(?). Not really sure if they sell chicken asses, but I'm sure at McDonalds that "ground beef" contains a little processed cow ass

  14. LiLu says:

    Don't hate on the gingham! If it's good enough for Andre, it's good enough for you!

  15. Kellie says:

    Your wife is hot. And really all you need to know how to say in spanish is Cerveza por favor and donde es el bano? Good luck becoming the KFC Assman. Your wife will be so proud.

  16. meleah rebeccah says:

    Assman! Ahahhhahhaa.

    I think ASSMAN was also a car license plate on an episode of Seinfeld. Maybe he saw it the night before signing that form?

  17. rs27 says:

    Ronald McDonalds assman would hurt.

  18. Stacie's Madness says:

    i could be ronald's ass woman. just sayin

  19. FawkesFire says:

    well, I was having a pretty bad day until I read this. made me smile. Thanks for the blog, Moog. ask her if she has anyone working at Arby's who is a fluffer, or a Pizza Hut Boob Inspector.

  20. That Girl says:

    not nice =/

  21. Malach the Merciless says:

    I can tell your a big supporter of immigrants

  22. PhilipDyer says:

    Wow, so I've had a job all this time and didn't even know it. Thanks, McDonalds!

  23. Mr. Condescending says:


    I took an application once that had 'boutog' which he said meant butcher. and 'carsales' which meant car salesman.

  24. Courtney says:

    I can't lie: I sat here and said, "potatopotatopotatopotato" out loud.

    You are indeed correct: Instant Spanish!!

    You should definitely patent that before it gets around the internet.

  25. moooooog35 says:

    Bird Shit: You know…I wasn't in the mood for a burger until you said 'processed cow ass.'

    Starving now. Thank you.

    Lilu: Thank you for completely confusing me at 7 a.m.

    Kellie: My wife should already be proud.

    Humor and looks like this don't come around every day.

    Sometimes I make myself laugh.

    Meleah: Kramer = Assman.

    You are correct. You win nothing.

    rs27: ..and you know this…how..?

    Stacie: I know…it says that about you in the men's room.

    I wrote it.

    Fawkes: Arby's? You missed an entire 'roast beef' reference here.

    Negative 10 points for you.

    That Girl: Wow…you must be new here.

    Not nice is my bread and butter.

    That and chicks with no self esteem.

    Malach: I completely support them.

    And by 'completely support' I mean 'want them out.'

    Phil: I THOUGHT my fries tasted funny.

    Condescending: Send them over to Malach…apparently, he feels that English is optional.

    Courtney: See? People think I just make shit like that up.

    I do. But it's true. So it becomes legend.

  26. Organic Meatbag says:

    I hear that Ronald got his stroke learning all of the Hamburglar's moves… apparently, hamburgers aren't the only thing he has burgled…

  27. CatLadyLarew says:

    Would McDonald's hire a woman to be an AssMan?

  28. CatLadyLarew says:

    Would McDonald's hire a woman to be an AssMan?

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