I Made Fun of Bloo and All I Got Was this Stupid Mug

Posted: June 23, 2009 in bloo you giant piece of dogshit I hope you chock on someones penis, buy my mug, mental poo coffee mugs are for fucking sale people

Before I start…I have a new movie review of:

He’s Just Not That Into You

..over on Moog’s Movie Reviews.

Go check it out. I made an alternative movie poster!

This just in:

I’m. Awesome.

Like that’s news.

Now…ONWARD!!

******************

Well, it’s finally over, thank Christ.

It went on WAY longer than it had to.

Great.

Now I sound like my wife when we have sex.

You know…

…except for the ‘going on longer’ part.

I’m like Speedy Gonzales in the bedroom, except I have a slightly bigger penis.

Whatever.

I take pride in the things I can.


I’m talking about my contest.

My first ever contest was a doozy…spawning entries from AROUND THE GLOBE!!

By ‘around the globe’ I mean ‘within 12-25 miles.’

Geography bad I am at and construction sentences; and yes!

I’ve digressed.

The contest was to simply come back with the best retort for this asshole:


Let’s have at this dipshit.

Here, in no particular order, are the runners-up:

The
“short and to the point” entry:


Chris said…

Hey Bloo, what’s your last name, “My Priest”?

The setup and payoff entry:


justjp said…

Let us review Bloo:

Shitty tattoo’s + wife beater + dollar store shades – personality – a grammatically sound attack x douche bag = Future winner of the Dallas County Correctional Institutions “boy, you got a pretty face award.”

The just plain funny entry:


PhilipDyer said…

Anyone who posts a picture of himself demonstrating that (1) He sleeps in a hair net and (2) He can’t grow a mustache, is okay in my book. But then again, my book is called “Extraordinarily Self-Unaware Douchebags.”

A special ‘honorable mention’ goes out to Malicious Intent who sent me a decent response AND the added bonus of pictures of her boobs.

However, I had to take points off the entry because they were (a) boob pictures she already posted on her own site and (b) had clothes around them.

Nice try, MI…nice try.

But now, standing an inch or so above the rest while laying down…

…was this entry:


DouglasDyer said…

Dearest Bloo, Mongoloid Esq.,

How sweet of you to stop pasting Alton Brown’s head on Richard Gere’s body and scrape the semen out from under your nails long enough to drop me that thoughtful note! You are an absolute stitch!

But the language! I mean, do you kiss your mother with that mouth? Ha ha…oh, you do? Well, who could blame her?

Listen, since you said I was a “Fucking Moron” and a “Fucking Dumbass” I just wanted to make sure you understood that I meant the turkey I cooked came out inedibly raw, not that it wasn’t a great fuck. I fucked the giblets right out of that little gobbler, if I do say so myself!

So thank you for your concern but, no “fucking moron” here! PS – I saw your MySpace pictures and I really want to congratulate you on your hatchback! And your car too! I don’t know what that means so there’s NO WAY you do either.

Oh, and good luck parlaying that C-note into a pre-community-college sexual encounter! Make sure he gives you your change!

PPS – A bunch of guys at work think you didn’t really graduate but just happened to pass by a graduation while wearing your teal dress.

If you could be a tub of peaches and send me a copy of your diploma, I would win my own $100! Thanks in advance!

Yep…Doug.

Sure, it was a little long…

(that’s what any girl I’ve ever had sex with has never, ever, said to me)

…but it made the cut of an independent three-person judging panel nonetheless.

What set this apart was that it was the ‘response’ I was looking for, coupled with such fantastic gems as:

“I fucked the giblets…”

“I don’t know what that means…”

And…

“..if you could be a tub of peaches..”

Tub of peaches.

Awesome.

Doug Dyer wins the coveted Mental Poo mug!


Congratulations, Doug! Let the intense fighting between you and your brother commence!!

Thanks to all who participated.

Remember, you can continue to play by heading over to Bloo’s MySpace page and continually giving him shit for the rest of his miserable fucking life.

Just ‘cuz it’s fun, really.

Thanks in advance.

Moog out.

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Comments
  1. Christina_the_wench says:

    Congrats to Dougie. You impress.

    When's the next contest, mooooog? I missed this one since I was getting my vacation on. Don't make me whine. 'Cause I can do it pretty damn well.

  2. Mike says:

    Even though I didn't win, I'm glad my entry gave you a good idea, mooog 😉

  3. justjp says:

    **High five's self** Sweet, I got honorable mention! I am going to celebrate by calling Bloo's mom to see if I can get a reach around.

    BTW: I am going to buy a mug and pretend I won. Just sayin'.

  4. DouglasDyer says:

    Now I know exactly how Courtney Cox felt when Bruce Springsteen pulled her onto the stage in the "Dancing In The Dark" video. Except for the malnourished part.

    Moog, this is by far the happiest day of my entire week. I am greatly looking forward to drinking steaming hot cups of my office's nasty coffee out of your dooky-embellished coffee mug. Thanks very much.

    To the other worthy entrants, including my brother, you can all suck it. SUCK IT!!!

  5. the iNDefatigable mjenks says:

    Sometimes on these caption contests, I'm really disappointed in the winning entry. However, DouglasDyer, you sir are a comedic genius.

  6. Lady Sarcasm says:

    Woot! congrats Douglas!

    Them Dyer Boys are a force to be reckoned with. lol

  7. FawkesFire says:

    way to go Doug!! nothing says good morning like a poo encrusted mug. LOL. enjoy and I liked your response too!

    Moog,

    Your "torment Bloo" contest has spawned a monster at our office. I don't know exactly how this one happened, but the office building across the way from us got a memo or something and now they've made it a sort of lunch break hobby to go and add comments to his truth box.

    Bloo might need therapy after the flood of comments……

    so, thank you from my office and our neighboring building for the fun new pass time. We were getting bored with smashing mailboxes and throwing rocks at passing cars….

  8. LBluca77 says:

    Congrats Doug!! Reading your comment just got me giggling.

    Awesome contest Moog! Ripping into bloo was very entertaining.

  9. Stacie's Madness says:

    congrats to them all!

  10. moooooog35 says:

    Christina: The next contest will be a swimsuit competition.

    No, Doug. You're not allowed to even compete.

    Mike: Thanks for playing! Now go to my store and buy some shit.

    Daddy needs the coin to pay for this mug.

    justjp: bring a 20. Mrs. Bloo is all about the benjamins.

    Doug: Congrats!

    Email me your address you stupid shit or else I'm keeping this mug for myself.

    mjenks: He and his brother are funny funny bastards.

    Lady: The are a force.

    And by 'force' I mean 'gay men.'

    Fawkes: You should start your own work contest.

    Like…who can make Bloo cry first or some shit.

    Lbluca: I know. We should do that more often.

    Not the contest. The 'ripping into bloo' thing.

    Stacey: Slacker. Where was your entry?!

    The nerve, woman. The nerve.

  11. FawkesFire says:

    We've already started one. Told you that it spawned a monster. we're going to place bets to see how long it'll take for him to remove his Truth Box. I mean…seriously, We're pretty sure he knows its none of his 'friends" leaving the comments, as none of them are use "big words" like we are, but still….he's gotta crack at some point.

    I'm personally giving him until July 8th. Dunno, just seems like a good number. Wanna place a bet? The winner gets a gift basket of chocolate.

  12. PhilipDyer says:

    Nooooooo!!!! I mean, it's an honor to be mentioned in such prestigious company. If Douglas accidentally sends you an address in Alabama, please ignore that and wait for him to send you his actual address in California, which is not mine at all.

    Heh heh… teal dress.

  13. Chris@Maugeritaville says:

    Leave it to the Dyer Boys. Hey, Phil and Doug, you need to have a contest where the winner gets to have Thanksgiving dinner at the Dyer house. One can only imagine the hijinks.

  14. Chris@Maugeritaville says:

    Oh, but Dyers? I'll pass on the giblets, if you know what I mean.

  15. Me-Me King says:

    Bloo-fucking-who?

    Congrats to the winners!!!

  16. LiLu says:

    Bloo will think twice before he messes with your turkey baster again!

    What?

  17. Malicious Intent says:

    You suck, this contest was rigged.

  18. moooooog35 says:

    Fawkes: A basket of chocolate?

    Who are you…Forrest Gump?

    Phil: Wait…there's prestigious company here?!

    And me without my codpiece!!

    Chris: Thank you for mentioning the giblets.

    I'll pass on the Thanksgiving prize.

    Me-me: here, here sister.

    * points at crotch

    Lilu: You stole my 'what!'

    MI: Yes, it was rigged.

    Rigged for her pleasure.

  19. meleah rebeccah says:

    Congrats to Doug Dyer

  20. Malach the Merciless says:

    First of all, Bloo being a MySpacer . . .

  21. ClaireMontgomeryMD says:

    congrats doug and hm's!

    moog – is there anything else i can do to get a mug? besides buy one.

  22. moooooog35 says:

    Malach: True dat.

    OMG he's rubbing off on me!!

    Claire: Not without the expressed, written consent of my wife.

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