A CONTEST!!! – Bloo is Gay and Likes Eating Men’s Bums in Texas

Posted: June 16, 2009 in contest, I'm an asshole, rants

Before I start today, I’ve got a movie review of “The Day the Earth Stood Still” over on Moog’s Movie Reviews.

Finally….a movie in which Keannu Reeves shows emotion!!

Just kidding.


A contest. Here.

You read it right.

Today, after almost TWO YEARS of writing this stupid fucking blog…

…I’m having a contest.

Here’s what inspired it.

Back after Thanksgiving, I wrote a post entitled:

Fuck Alton Brown

In this post, I basically announced a jihad on that fuckhead, because he almost wiped out my entire family with salmonella poisoning.



So…I get THIS comment on that post this past weekend:

From: Bloo

The Doggy Did It‘s turkey came out fine….Yours didn’t cuz you’re a fucking moron. Go kill yourself you Dick! Fucking Dumbass…”

* blink


First off, I’m amazed that an in-bowl toilet cleaner has managed to (a) get out of the toilet and (b) learned how to not only type BUT surf the Internet as well!

Actually, maybe it’s not the toilet cleaner Bloo I’m thinking about.

That would be awesome, though…wouldn’t it?

Regardless…toilet cleaner or not…

This boy has some serious fucking turkey issues.

Being a professional comedian means that you have to take the bad responses as well as the good ones.

It also means you have to be a pathological liar and lie about shit like being a professional comedian.

I’ll give you a minute with that one.

Back? Okay.

Let’s check out Bloo’s MySpace Page:


Mood: Fucked Up

Body type: 5′ 8″ / More to love!

Income: Less than $30,000


* cricket

Actually, now that I’m checking out his MySpace page…

Chances are that he probably WILL still be a toilet cleaner.

I’ve digressed.

Regardless, I quickly came up with two comebacks.

Trust me, I can come up with more…but at the risk of losing my dignity.

Sometimes I make myself laugh.

Here are a couple I came up with (first, let’s see that awesomely well thought out comment from the toilet cleaner again!):

The Doggy Did It‘s turkey came out fine….Yours didn’t cuz you’re a fucking moron. Go kill yourself you Dick! Fucking Dumbass…”

The short comeback:


The medium Comeback:

Wow, Bloo.

Sounds like you have some issues with your mother.

Next time she’s over and I’m 5 knuckles deep in her ass, I’ll make sure she talks to you about it.

The Next Comeback:

This is where YOU come in.


I want you to come up with your best comeback for this meatball.

Put your entry in the comments section of this post or email it to me.

EXTRA POINTS to anyone who makes this quest into their very own blog post on their site.

There, you can use photos, etc., to really customize the verbal beating you give to this stupid douchewad.

I’m not bitter.

Entries will be graded and based on two criteria:

1) If they make me laugh
2) If they are accompanied by nude photos via email

Obviously, I’m kidding.

I’m only grading on #2.

What’s up for grabs?!


“MENTAL POO” Coffee Mug!!!


I have a store where I sell this shit.

Since no one is buying any of it, I apparently have to fucking give it away.

So..please…buy my shit.

* sigh

The deadline for entries is a week from today…

..and I will announce the winner as soon as I browse through all the porn.

I mean…go through all the entries.

In the meantime, check out Bloo’s MySpace page and give him shit.

Be careful, though.

He looks all gangsta.

“The Obsessed Turkey Gangstas” would be a great name for a band.

Whatever…send me your best.

Thanks in advance.

Good luck!!


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