Charles Collins Wants to Send Me Money!! Hoolay!!

Posted: June 4, 2009 in chuck collins from japan owes me anal, now who will pay for these hookers, spam spam eggs and spam


I can’t wait for the money to start rolling in!

Here’s what happened:

We all get these stupid fucking emails about transferring money and all that bullshit.

Here’s the latest one I got:

(click to enlarge (that’s what she said)):

If the image didn’t come through, here’s what it says:


HELLO My name is Charles a Banker please i want to transfer money to you get back to me for more details

– charles collins


I let this thing stew in my inbox (that’s what she said, again) for a while…

…one finger on the ‘Delete’ button.

But decided, instead…

…to reply.

Here, in it’s entirety, is my reply to one Charles Collins of Japan.




Well, shit. This seems totally legit. Why the fuck not?

Thanks, Charles. It’s not very often that someone with very little knowledge of the American language and/or typing skills contacts me and wants to send me money out of the blue.

Usually, letters like this come to me from Nigeria…and you know how those Nigerians can be.

They cannot be trusted!

Maybe we should buy bombers and shit with this money and blow them up.

Maybe then I wouldn’t have to spend so much fucking money on Spam filters and shit.

Pesky Nigerians! They be crazy, fo shizzle.

Luckily yours made it through! How fortunate for me!


Woops…I see you’re from Japan.


You should be able to understand that one.

How much money are you talking here, Chuck?

Should we split it? Go halvsies? What’s your cut?

Can I buy hookers and shit or do you want me to just deposit it?

If I CAN get hookers is there a per-hooker limit, or can I just go hog wild and have, like, really really expensive ones who will let me put it in their bum? I’ve always wanted to put it in a bum.

So dark. So mysterious.

Like Adam Sandler says:

50 million Elvis fans can’t be wrong.

Helpful tip now that we’re talking about Adam Sandler:

Don’t rent ‘BedTime Stories’ unless you have kids. The guinea pig makes the movie.

That one’s free.

Where was I? Oh, yeah….hookers who like things in their ass.

Let me know – because if the bum thing is a deal breaker for you, then I’ll have to pass.

Forever your soulmate,

Barack Obama.


Then I sent it.

I have not heard back.

I got one thing to say to you, Charles Collins from Japan:

You’re a fucking tease, Chuck Collins!! A fucking tease!!

I had hookers and lube lined up and everything.



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