The Disappointed Sociopaths

Posted: June 1, 2009 in search results, wtf


Just a quickie today.

Like I’m capable of anything else.

Stupid ticklish frenulum.

(Go ahead…I’ll wait)

I check my blog stats pretty regularly.

I have a saying:

“Before you crap…check your stats.”

On a related note:

The people I work with hate when I talk to myself.

Thanks to this mantra…

(which, until I Googled the word ‘mantra,’ thought was one of those things that swim…you know with wings…and tails…and they kill Australian animal show hosts from time to time)

…I check my blog stats about 5 times a day.

My boss thinks I’m working.

I’m usually going poo poo.

Spastic colon?

Probably.

Get it fixed?

Fuck no.

Then I’d have to fucking work.

Screw that shit.


So I check my stats and – HOLY SHITFUCK

I hit almost 1,200 visitors one day.

A new record!


The most I’ve EVER had prior to that is 700 visitors.

And that was the day I went full frontal here.

Now I can check off ‘display small penis on Internet’ off my Bucket List.

SUCK IT, Morgan Freeman!

So, I decide that I’ll click to see WHERE these people come from.

Here’s where they all came from:

(click to enlarge…that’s what she said)


“One of our members added your page to the Mental Health topic on StumbleUpon.”

Um.

The…um…

“Mental HEALTH” topic?

So…let me get this straight.

(‘getting it straight’ usually requires the assistance of a pill)

Roughly 600 people needing sound advice on Mental Health issues like:

1) Depression
2) OCD
3) OCD
4) OCD
5) OCD

..I CAN’T STOP!!!…

6) Anorexia
7) Obsessions with short yet sexy sexy men

All these needy, helpless souls…

…instead…

…fucking landed on “Mental Poo.”

* twitch

Mental?

Absolutely.

Health?

Well…um…

Unless you were looking for therapy after getting your vasectomy, need to cleanse your soul after seeing your bosses testicles, or learn the art of mastering sexual harassment during your 12-step program…

You came to the wrong fucking place, my friend.

Now…

Not ONLY did they land on Mental Poo…

…but the day that they did land here was the day that I posted “The Stinky Trombone is in Ohio.”


If there ever was a day when a crazy prick shouldn’t have clicked on a link…

…that was probably it.

Those poor, depressed, suicidal and potentially dimwitted crazily defective bastards.

So much worse now than they were before.

That’s what you get for being mental.

Welcome to my world, brethren.

Welcome to my world.

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