You know…

…sometimes I look at my own post titles and just shake my head.

Other times, I just shake my head without looking at the titles.

Stupid lice.

And, no – this isn’t another Ripped from the Headlines post.

Although, holy fuckshit…

….wouldn’t that be the coolest friggin’ headline ever?

***********************

New York Times:

Angela Lansbury Beats Naked Pooing Lady

***********************

(click to enlarge…that’s what she said)
:


YouTube servers would be shitting the bed left and right serving up that video.

Mostly to my computer, but whatever.

I’ve digressed.

The results of my latest poll are in!

Here was the question:

What’s the Weirdest Search my Site Comes Up In?

94 of you voted.

Yes – 94.

This is BY FAR the most popular poll I’ve ever had.

This includes all the times I’ve said, “Yo..who wants my number?” to any chick within earshot.

To my wife, the one who actually TOOK my number after that, I say this:

SUCKA!

Don’t worry, everyone. She won’t think that’s harsh.

She knows she made a mistake.


Now, let’s look at the results.

Sixth Place (tie): Whack Poo and Whack My Wife

Um…

Someone’s whacking poo?

Who the fuck is whacking poo?

Actually, who would WANT to whack poo?

I’m guessing it would splatter all over the fucking place unless you had just eaten bananas and they were the hard marble-type poop balls (click here for the full story of the smiley face poo in my page header at the top right of this page).


Are you trying to learn HOW to whack poo? Like, some kind of poo-whacking instruction booklet or some shit?

Mother of God, man.

Why?!

I’m guessing that after ‘Whack Poo’ and ‘Whack My Wife’ came this inevitable search:

Whack my wife with poo.

And, really…

…who hasn’t thought about that at least once.


Fourth Place: Giant Vaginas

Dude.

If you’re searching for giant vaginas, I can promise you that you’ve come to the wrong fucking place.

Small penises?

Absolutely.

Giant vaginas, though?

I don’t see any.

Trust me, I’ve been looking.

Although any vagina feels gigantic to me.

Stupid small junk.


Third Place: Granny Boobs

Mental Poo: You’re source for old ladies’ titty bags since 2009.

I’m totally making that into a shirt.

Second Place: I want pics of a lady who is doing her poo poo and isnt wearing any bra or panty

Um…

This came in SECOND place?!

Second?

Really?

You people are fucked.

But not nearly as fucked as the guy looking for pictures of a naked chick taking a shit.

Which he’ll never, ever find.

Because women don’t poo.

Don’t take that away from me.

Please.


And the winner….

By a single vote…

First Place: Angela Lansbury

Forgive him, Lord, he knows now what he do.

Does.

Whatever.

The poor, poor bastard.

I don’t have the slightest fucking clue how someone searched for ‘Angela Lansbury’ and this site came up.

But I can tell you this:

That person. Will never. Be the same.


Grandpa: “What was that nice lady’s name who did all the plays…and was on ‘Murder She Wrote?'”

Grandma: “Angela…Lansbury. Angela Lansbury, I think.”

Grandpa: “Let me Google it.”

* click

It’s at this point that Mental Poo appears in all it’s hideous glory.

Grandpa is greeted with shit like:

Ugly Penis Chickens.

Pinky Tuscadero vulva references.

Grabby Bungholes.

Fucking ay, that’s right.

Instant. Coronary.

Grandpa: “MA! You gotta see this! I Googled ‘Angela Lansbury’ and you know what came up?”

Grandma: “What? What came up?”

Grandpa: “That same site that came up before when I Googled ‘Whack my Wife’s Granny Boobs with Poo.'”

Well, I guess we’ve answered at least one of the above questions.

Yep.

Grandpa is one sick fuck.

Even sicker than you guys.

If you can believe that shit.

Moog out.

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Comments
  1. Kelly says:

    AWESOME post!

    “She knows she made a mistake.”

    Great. Your wife is probably also awesome.

  2. Kelly says:

    AWESOME post!

    “She knows she made a mistake.”

    Great. Your wife is probably also awesome.

  3. Mike says:

    Funny, I get a lot of giant vagina keywords too.

    As well as lots of weird poo type ones.

    Great minds and all that.

    BTW, I used one of your pictures for tomorrows post.

    I linked to you, but I’d just like to thank you in advance.

    So thanks.

  4. Mike says:

    Funny, I get a lot of giant vagina keywords too.

    As well as lots of weird poo type ones.

    Great minds and all that.

    BTW, I used one of your pictures for tomorrows post.

    I linked to you, but I’d just like to thank you in advance.

    So thanks.

  5. Jaime @ Fast Times says:

    I agree with Kelly. Your wife is probably awesome.

  6. Jaime @ Fast Times says:

    I agree with Kelly. Your wife is probably awesome.

  7. Blonde Goddess says:

    You really love your poo, don’t you?
    Does constipation plague you? You know…because you’re so reluctant to part with your poo because of the love you feel for it…

  8. Blonde Goddess says:

    You really love your poo, don’t you?
    Does constipation plague you? You know…because you’re so reluctant to part with your poo because of the love you feel for it…

  9. the iNDefatigable mjenks says:

    That’s funny. I thought my Grandpa was dead. Apparently, he’s hiding out somewhere, googling your site.

  10. the iNDefatigable mjenks says:

    That’s funny. I thought my Grandpa was dead. Apparently, he’s hiding out somewhere, googling your site.

  11. moooooog35 says:

    Kelly: She IS awesome.

    There, hon.

    That’s your Mother’s Day gift.

    Hope you enjoyed it.

    Mike: Your using one of my pictures? Hopefully it’s one of the tasteful nudes I sent you and not one with the donkey.

    Oh. Pictures from the posts.

    Nevermind.

    Jaime: Awesome.

    Now we just covered her birthday gift, too.

    BG: somewhere…Elton John plays softly in the background…

    Mjenks: Dude. You gotta see what else he’s searching.

    You may want to alert the authorities.

    Bastard is creepy.

  12. moooooog35 says:

    Kelly: She IS awesome.

    There, hon.

    That’s your Mother’s Day gift.

    Hope you enjoyed it.

    Mike: Your using one of my pictures? Hopefully it’s one of the tasteful nudes I sent you and not one with the donkey.

    Oh. Pictures from the posts.

    Nevermind.

    Jaime: Awesome.

    Now we just covered her birthday gift, too.

    BG: somewhere…Elton John plays softly in the background…

    Mjenks: Dude. You gotta see what else he’s searching.

    You may want to alert the authorities.

    Bastard is creepy.

  13. LiLu says:

    How on earth did someone get to YOU instead of me by googling “Granny Boobs”??

  14. LiLu says:

    How on earth did someone get to YOU instead of me by googling “Granny Boobs”??

  15. Kellie says:

    I want to know why anyone is even googling Angela Lansbury. She’s like ancient. Who cares about her anymore?

  16. Kellie says:

    I want to know why anyone is even googling Angela Lansbury. She’s like ancient. Who cares about her anymore?

  17. DouglasDyer says:

    And my carnal obsession with Dora grows stronger. Thanks soooo much.

  18. DouglasDyer says:

    And my carnal obsession with Dora grows stronger. Thanks soooo much.

  19. E Chuod says:

    Hello, I’m here in search of Angela Lansbury……. Wait a second! What kind of site is this? You people should be ashamed of….. wait…… ha ha…… ha ha ha…. HA HA HA. YOU SHAVE YOUR BALLS!!!

    ?

  20. E Chuod says:

    Hello, I’m here in search of Angela Lansbury……. Wait a second! What kind of site is this? You people should be ashamed of….. wait…… ha ha…… ha ha ha…. HA HA HA. YOU SHAVE YOUR BALLS!!!

    ?

  21. fiona says:

    Sublime Moog, feckin SUBLIME…
    I think I love you…

  22. fiona says:

    Sublime Moog, feckin SUBLIME…
    I think I love you…

  23. moooooog35 says:

    LiLu: A lot of the visits I get are purely luck.

    Bad luck on their part…but luck nonetheless.

    Kellie: I Googled ‘Dick Van Dyke’ for that newspaper clipping…which, by the way, had a FANTASTIC ending but got cut off.

    Anyway, I Googled Dick Van Dyke.

    So…this shit sometimes just happens.

    Doug: We know you’re in it for Diego.

    Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

    EChuod: Jokes on YOU, my friend.

    Angela Lansbury shaves my balls.

    So there.

    Fiona: Great…now I have to Google ‘sublime?’ Stop throwing these friggin terms at me.

    Get in line with the ‘love’ thing.

    You should be first up.

  24. moooooog35 says:

    LiLu: A lot of the visits I get are purely luck.

    Bad luck on their part…but luck nonetheless.

    Kellie: I Googled ‘Dick Van Dyke’ for that newspaper clipping…which, by the way, had a FANTASTIC ending but got cut off.

    Anyway, I Googled Dick Van Dyke.

    So…this shit sometimes just happens.

    Doug: We know you’re in it for Diego.

    Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

    EChuod: Jokes on YOU, my friend.

    Angela Lansbury shaves my balls.

    So there.

    Fiona: Great…now I have to Google ‘sublime?’ Stop throwing these friggin terms at me.

    Get in line with the ‘love’ thing.

    You should be first up.

  25. Christina_the_wench says:

    You whored up Dora. I’m impressed. Disturbed as well, but impressed nonetheless.

  26. Christina_the_wench says:

    You whored up Dora. I’m impressed. Disturbed as well, but impressed nonetheless.

  27. Malach the Merciless says:

    In college, we had a girl so loose from Texas, we all called her the Texas Tunnel.

  28. Malach the Merciless says:

    In college, we had a girl so loose from Texas, we all called her the Texas Tunnel.

  29. freetheunicorns says:

    I think it’s time I started writing about vaginas and poo.

  30. freetheunicorns says:

    I think it’s time I started writing about vaginas and poo.

  31. Jen says:

    I get so many for redheaded vaginas it’s just silly. It’s grammatically just plain wrong. I love the poo story. My kids just took the poo and smeared it on the walls, slightly creative I suppose but your daughter’s happy poo is pure genius.

  32. Jen says:

    I get so many for redheaded vaginas it’s just silly. It’s grammatically just plain wrong. I love the poo story. My kids just took the poo and smeared it on the walls, slightly creative I suppose but your daughter’s happy poo is pure genius.

  33. moooooog35 says:

    Christina: You should see what I did to Boots and Benny.

    Malach: …and then you lived happily ever after.

    Free: Um…

    duh.

    Jen: Oh. It’s grammatically wrong? What SHOULD I be searching for, then?

  34. moooooog35 says:

    Christina: You should see what I did to Boots and Benny.

    Malach: …and then you lived happily ever after.

    Free: Um…

    duh.

    Jen: Oh. It’s grammatically wrong? What SHOULD I be searching for, then?

  35. Christina_the_wench says:

    Speaking of Nick nuisances, what kind of illegal pick me ups do you think the creators of Yo Gabba Gabba were on? PLEASE don’t alter them though. I’m scared enough.

  36. Christina_the_wench says:

    Speaking of Nick nuisances, what kind of illegal pick me ups do you think the creators of Yo Gabba Gabba were on? PLEASE don’t alter them though. I’m scared enough.

  37. VE says:

    I suspect Angela Landsbury reads your blog…

  38. VE says:

    I suspect Angela Landsbury reads your blog…

  39. Lady Sarcasm says:

    LOL! Love this post. Especially the whack a poo part, hilarious.

  40. Lady Sarcasm says:

    LOL! Love this post. Especially the whack a poo part, hilarious.

  41. meleah rebeccah says:

    You really do get the craziest searches that lead to your blog.

    I can only assume – But I am pretty sure your wife is AWESOME.

  42. meleah rebeccah says:

    You really do get the craziest searches that lead to your blog.

    I can only assume – But I am pretty sure your wife is AWESOME.

  43. Malicious Intent says:

    The level of disturbance I experience reading your posts is shocking. More shocking is I keep coming back. Need to check in with my doc about tweaking my meds I think.

  44. Malicious Intent says:

    The level of disturbance I experience reading your posts is shocking. More shocking is I keep coming back. Need to check in with my doc about tweaking my meds I think.

  45. ettarose says:

    You know I love you don’t you? Tell your wife not to worry though, I only love you for your warped mind. It is so like mine except I don’t share mine with the world. I don’t want to scare people.Excellent post. You are in one of mine tomorrow.

  46. ettarose says:

    You know I love you don’t you? Tell your wife not to worry though, I only love you for your warped mind. It is so like mine except I don’t share mine with the world. I don’t want to scare people.Excellent post. You are in one of mine tomorrow.

  47. Jo Ke says:

    Hello.
    I’d like to suscribe to the Mental Poo Newspaper.
    Please I’d like both the Daily Poo and the Sunday Poo editions.

  48. Jo Ke says:

    Hello.
    I’d like to suscribe to the Mental Poo Newspaper.
    Please I’d like both the Daily Poo and the Sunday Poo editions.

  49. Tee aka The Diva's Thoughts says:

    You mean there is no giant vaginia on this site? Damn!

  50. Tee aka The Diva's Thoughts says:

    You mean there is no giant vaginia on this site? Damn!

  51. Mary@Holy Mackerel says:

    Gotta love the Google searches. And I have to ask you…what do you ingest before writing your posts? They are priceless.

  52. Mary@Holy Mackerel says:

    Gotta love the Google searches. And I have to ask you…what do you ingest before writing your posts? They are priceless.

  53. coffeypot says:

    I’m 65 and I think Angelia is hot. She’s the Jessica Alba of the geriatric set.

  54. coffeypot says:

    I’m 65 and I think Angelia is hot. She’s the Jessica Alba of the geriatric set.

  55. moooooog35 says:

    Christina: I think the people who made Yo Gabba Gabba and Wowwow Wubbzy were in Manson’s family.

    VE: OMG! You think she could introduce me to Dick Van Dyke?!?!

    Ha.

    I said ‘dick.’

    Lady: Stupid shit like that is my bread and butter.

    Bread and butter is also my bread and butter…but that seemed pretty obvious.

    Meleah: Awesome, if not tolerant.

    Sometimes.

    MI: Tweak…or double the dosage?

    Etta: Sssh…the wife reads this.

    Did you get my edible arrangement?

    Jo Ke: Man…the Boston Globe is gonna be PISSED when they find out I have more subscribers.

    Tee: Nope…no giant vaginas here.

    There weren’t until you showed up, anyway.

    I kid because I love.

    Not really. But you get it.

    Mary: it’s a secret concoction I ingest.

    Minus the ‘coc’ part of that…I don’t ingest those.

    Coffeypot: Good luck with that.

  56. moooooog35 says:

    Christina: I think the people who made Yo Gabba Gabba and Wowwow Wubbzy were in Manson’s family.

    VE: OMG! You think she could introduce me to Dick Van Dyke?!?!

    Ha.

    I said ‘dick.’

    Lady: Stupid shit like that is my bread and butter.

    Bread and butter is also my bread and butter…but that seemed pretty obvious.

    Meleah: Awesome, if not tolerant.

    Sometimes.

    MI: Tweak…or double the dosage?

    Etta: Sssh…the wife reads this.

    Did you get my edible arrangement?

    Jo Ke: Man…the Boston Globe is gonna be PISSED when they find out I have more subscribers.

    Tee: Nope…no giant vaginas here.

    There weren’t until you showed up, anyway.

    I kid because I love.

    Not really. But you get it.

    Mary: it’s a secret concoction I ingest.

    Minus the ‘coc’ part of that…I don’t ingest those.

    Coffeypot: Good luck with that.

  57. Phillipia says:

    Too funny. I laughed so hard…I’m getting a new couch!

    And you’ve gained a follower:)

  58. Phillipia says:

    Too funny. I laughed so hard…I’m getting a new couch!

    And you’ve gained a follower:)

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