Angela Lansbury Beats Naked Pooing Lady

Posted: May 7, 2009 in polls, search results


You know…

…sometimes I look at my own post titles and just shake my head.

Other times, I just shake my head without looking at the titles.

Stupid lice.

And, no – this isn’t another Ripped from the Headlines post.

Although, holy fuckshit…

….wouldn’t that be the coolest friggin’ headline ever?

***********************

New York Times:

Angela Lansbury Beats Naked Pooing Lady

***********************

(click to enlarge…that’s what she said)
:


YouTube servers would be shitting the bed left and right serving up that video.

Mostly to my computer, but whatever.

I’ve digressed.

The results of my latest poll are in!

Here was the question:

What’s the Weirdest Search my Site Comes Up In?

94 of you voted.

Yes – 94.

This is BY FAR the most popular poll I’ve ever had.

This includes all the times I’ve said, “Yo..who wants my number?” to any chick within earshot.

To my wife, the one who actually TOOK my number after that, I say this:

SUCKA!

Don’t worry, everyone. She won’t think that’s harsh.

She knows she made a mistake.


Now, let’s look at the results.

Sixth Place (tie): Whack Poo and Whack My Wife

Um…

Someone’s whacking poo?

Who the fuck is whacking poo?

Actually, who would WANT to whack poo?

I’m guessing it would splatter all over the fucking place unless you had just eaten bananas and they were the hard marble-type poop balls (click here for the full story of the smiley face poo in my page header at the top right of this page).


Are you trying to learn HOW to whack poo? Like, some kind of poo-whacking instruction booklet or some shit?

Mother of God, man.

Why?!

I’m guessing that after ‘Whack Poo’ and ‘Whack My Wife’ came this inevitable search:

Whack my wife with poo.

And, really…

…who hasn’t thought about that at least once.


Fourth Place: Giant Vaginas

Dude.

If you’re searching for giant vaginas, I can promise you that you’ve come to the wrong fucking place.

Small penises?

Absolutely.

Giant vaginas, though?

I don’t see any.

Trust me, I’ve been looking.

Although any vagina feels gigantic to me.

Stupid small junk.


Third Place: Granny Boobs

Mental Poo: You’re source for old ladies’ titty bags since 2009.

I’m totally making that into a shirt.

Second Place: I want pics of a lady who is doing her poo poo and isnt wearing any bra or panty

Um…

This came in SECOND place?!

Second?

Really?

You people are fucked.

But not nearly as fucked as the guy looking for pictures of a naked chick taking a shit.

Which he’ll never, ever find.

Because women don’t poo.

Don’t take that away from me.

Please.


And the winner….

By a single vote…

First Place: Angela Lansbury

Forgive him, Lord, he knows now what he do.

Does.

Whatever.

The poor, poor bastard.

I don’t have the slightest fucking clue how someone searched for ‘Angela Lansbury’ and this site came up.

But I can tell you this:

That person. Will never. Be the same.


Grandpa: “What was that nice lady’s name who did all the plays…and was on ‘Murder She Wrote?'”

Grandma: “Angela…Lansbury. Angela Lansbury, I think.”

Grandpa: “Let me Google it.”

* click

It’s at this point that Mental Poo appears in all it’s hideous glory.

Grandpa is greeted with shit like:

Ugly Penis Chickens.

Pinky Tuscadero vulva references.

Grabby Bungholes.

Fucking ay, that’s right.

Instant. Coronary.

Grandpa: “MA! You gotta see this! I Googled ‘Angela Lansbury’ and you know what came up?”

Grandma: “What? What came up?”

Grandpa: “That same site that came up before when I Googled ‘Whack my Wife’s Granny Boobs with Poo.'”

Well, I guess we’ve answered at least one of the above questions.

Yep.

Grandpa is one sick fuck.

Even sicker than you guys.

If you can believe that shit.

Moog out.

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