I got screwed the other day.

Yep.

I’m a lucky man.

Normally, I wouldn’t share this type of news with just anyone.

Yeah. Right.

This is why I keep the receipts from hookers.

That, plus there’s a tax loophole where you can deduct your cost as a home business expense if it’s done in your basement and you order a certain “package” that may or may not include use of your water heater and a small rubber hose.

However, last time I checked I wasn’t your personal fucking financial advisor so that’s as far as I’m going with that.

So I live by the rule:

If she ain’t got a place to swipe my credit card, she ain’t gettin’ ma biznezz fo shizzle.

On a possibly related note:

My American Express card smells.

So, yeah.

I got screwed the other day.

And dontcha know that I’ve got some pictures for ya!

I love me my sick peeps.

In a sick twist of irony:

Peeps make me sick.

Discuss.


So – I had surgery on my broken pinky the other day.

Here’s what my x-ray looked like:


In the words of not a single girl I’ve ever had sex with:

“OW!”

Seriously?

You can’t even FAKE that it’s pleasing?

Stupid dog.

My friend John saw the above photo and IM’d me:

***************
John: What’s that in the pic? Your wedding ring?

Me: No John, I’m really a Hobbitt and it’s my quest to destroy it.

John: You’re precious.

***************
I am.

I AM precious.

Thanks for noticing.


Regardless, I actually had to have surgery to fix my pinky.

Me: “Hey. Can you make my penis larger while you’re in there?”

Dr.: “Dude. I’m an orthopedist.”

Oh.

Not OrthoPENIS.

poTAto…poTAHto

Jerk.

So, he knocked me out for the surgery…

(That’s odd…why do I make no noise now when I fart?)

..and fixed my finger.

It now looks like this:


FUCKIN’ AY, THAT’S RIGHT!

Friggin’ guys in my karate class ain’t gonna know what hit them.

You know…in 6 weeks when this heals.

Stupid bionic arm.

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Comments
  1. HeyJoe says:

    Now it puts the lotion in the basket so Moog can spank it again. It does this whenever it’s told.

  2. HeyJoe says:

    Now it puts the lotion in the basket so Moog can spank it again. It does this whenever it’s told.

  3. the iNDefatigable mjenks says:

    Pfff…if you were really a Hobbit, the X-ray couldn’t take a picture of your hand because you’d be invisible when wearing the ring. *pushes glasses back up nose*

  4. the iNDefatigable mjenks says:

    Pfff…if you were really a Hobbit, the X-ray couldn’t take a picture of your hand because you’d be invisible when wearing the ring. *pushes glasses back up nose*

  5. the iNDefatigable mjenks says:

    And next time, instead of going the nerdy route, fire off a “that’s your wife’s cervix, John”.

  6. the iNDefatigable mjenks says:

    And next time, instead of going the nerdy route, fire off a “that’s your wife’s cervix, John”.

  7. Douglas says:

    The orthopedist wouldn’t work on your bone? What a quack.

  8. Douglas says:

    The orthopedist wouldn’t work on your bone? What a quack.

  9. wc#3 says:

    I had no idea Peeps were so versitile! Or flexible!

  10. wc#3 says:

    I had no idea Peeps were so versitile! Or flexible!

  11. Bow Chica Wah Wah says:

    potatoe patatoe

  12. Bow Chica Wah Wah says:

    potatoe patatoe

  13. LBluca77 says:

    I can’t believe the doc didn’t give you a 2 for one special.

  14. LBluca77 says:

    I can’t believe the doc didn’t give you a 2 for one special.

  15. Christina_the_wench says:

    Now I have to go look it up and see if a penis has an actual bone in it. Thanks for that.

    I’m blonde. Bite me.

  16. Christina_the_wench says:

    Now I have to go look it up and see if a penis has an actual bone in it. Thanks for that.

    I’m blonde. Bite me.

  17. Don says:

    Lube that bionic baby up and make popsicles outta those bad boys in karate class.

  18. Don says:

    Lube that bionic baby up and make popsicles outta those bad boys in karate class.

  19. moooooog35 says:

    Joe: no…no…it’s “or else it gets the hose again.”

    Geez, man.

    Mjenks: Good point and nice counter. However John has neither a girlfriend or wife, so I couldn’t use that.

    How’s this:

    “Loser.”

    Better?

    Douglas: Go figure.

    wc#3: Just don’t get the stuck in your sphincter. Terrible, terrible mess.

    Don’t ask me how I know that.

    Bow: Are we seriously gonna argue this one? I don’t see it ever ending.

    lbluca: No…the nurse did (story coming soon!!)

    Christina: Smart you sound yes!

    Don: Lube popsicles sound kinda gross.

  20. moooooog35 says:

    Joe: no…no…it’s “or else it gets the hose again.”

    Geez, man.

    Mjenks: Good point and nice counter. However John has neither a girlfriend or wife, so I couldn’t use that.

    How’s this:

    “Loser.”

    Better?

    Douglas: Go figure.

    wc#3: Just don’t get the stuck in your sphincter. Terrible, terrible mess.

    Don’t ask me how I know that.

    Bow: Are we seriously gonna argue this one? I don’t see it ever ending.

    lbluca: No…the nurse did (story coming soon!!)

    Christina: Smart you sound yes!

    Don: Lube popsicles sound kinda gross.

  21. GoingLikeSixty.com says:

    Dammit, I came here expecting some funny comments. Disappointed. So I left.

  22. GoingLikeSixty.com says:

    Dammit, I came here expecting some funny comments. Disappointed. So I left.

  23. Kellie says:

    Did you tell us how you broke it yet though? Maybe I’m just slow. Although my parents say I is real smart.

  24. Kellie says:

    Did you tell us how you broke it yet though? Maybe I’m just slow. Although my parents say I is real smart.

  25. Kellie says:

    Nevermind. My brain just caught up and I read your previous post. I am slow. Real slow.

    The good news, my husband says he likes it nice and slow. Bow chicka wow wow.

  26. Kellie says:

    Nevermind. My brain just caught up and I read your previous post. I am slow. Real slow.

    The good news, my husband says he likes it nice and slow. Bow chicka wow wow.

  27. Bon Don says:

    “Don’t you hurt my Moooog35”

    Screw your Doctor for not giving you a 2’fer! I’m sure someone here will though!

  28. Bon Don says:

    “Don’t you hurt my Moooog35”

    Screw your Doctor for not giving you a 2’fer! I’m sure someone here will though!

  29. Malicious Intent says:

    Why don’t you fight like a real man. Use a baseball bat next time. Screw the karate. Those who don’t cheat, don’t win.

  30. Malicious Intent says:

    Why don’t you fight like a real man. Use a baseball bat next time. Screw the karate. Those who don’t cheat, don’t win.

  31. Narm says:

    Now it’s like you are getting jerked off by Robocop

  32. Narm says:

    Now it’s like you are getting jerked off by Robocop

  33. Olly says:

    What out with that bionic arm. Don’t go giving yourself a heart attack!

  34. Olly says:

    What out with that bionic arm. Don’t go giving yourself a heart attack!

  35. Kevin John says:

    A baseball bat, MI? Why not just pop them with a 9mm?

    Mooog, does this mean that for the next few weeks your computer keyboard might actually look clean for a while?
    just asking.

  36. Kevin John says:

    A baseball bat, MI? Why not just pop them with a 9mm?

    Mooog, does this mean that for the next few weeks your computer keyboard might actually look clean for a while?
    just asking.

  37. moooooog35 says:

    Going60: Don’t let the door hit ya.

    Kellie: I’m glad you confirmed the ‘nice and slow’ thing. Permanent marker is hard to change on the bathroom walls.

    BonDon: volunteering, are you?

    MI: Remind me next time to look for the weaponry hidden about the dojo.

    Narm: I prefer “bionic woman” as the fantasy…but you do what you have to.

    Olly: I won…AARRGGHH!!

    KJ: Only the left side of it.

  38. moooooog35 says:

    Going60: Don’t let the door hit ya.

    Kellie: I’m glad you confirmed the ‘nice and slow’ thing. Permanent marker is hard to change on the bathroom walls.

    BonDon: volunteering, are you?

    MI: Remind me next time to look for the weaponry hidden about the dojo.

    Narm: I prefer “bionic woman” as the fantasy…but you do what you have to.

    Olly: I won…AARRGGHH!!

    KJ: Only the left side of it.

  39. Mike says:

    Did the doctor install your super secret laser guided pinky ass dildo like you asked?

    Or did you forget to ask?

    Idiot.

  40. Mike says:

    Did the doctor install your super secret laser guided pinky ass dildo like you asked?

    Or did you forget to ask?

    Idiot.

  41. Malach the Merciless says:

    Wow, you cracked that thing right in half

  42. Malach the Merciless says:

    Wow, you cracked that thing right in half

  43. moooooog35 says:

    Mike: Amazing how you know of such a thing.

    Malach: Four pieces, actually. At least that’s what he told me. Feels like 600 or so.

    Me tough like paper!

  44. moooooog35 says:

    Mike: Amazing how you know of such a thing.

    Malach: Four pieces, actually. At least that’s what he told me. Feels like 600 or so.

    Me tough like paper!

  45. cookiebitch says:

    You’re going to have to learn to whack off with the other hand now my friend. Cause that bionic hand could tear your dick right off. Or at least chaffe like a mother.

  46. cookiebitch says:

    You’re going to have to learn to whack off with the other hand now my friend. Cause that bionic hand could tear your dick right off. Or at least chaffe like a mother.

  47. Blonde Goddess says:

    I got screwed too.

    I liked it.

  48. Blonde Goddess says:

    I got screwed too.

    I liked it.

  49. Mitch says:

    Ha ha. A bit of therapy and you’ll be back at it before you know it.

  50. Mitch says:

    Ha ha. A bit of therapy and you’ll be back at it before you know it.

  51. Smileygirl says:

    So was that really your wedding ring or do you wear brass knuckles during the day?

  52. Smileygirl says:

    So was that really your wedding ring or do you wear brass knuckles during the day?

  53. Mike says:

    I more or less figured that if you got hurt in a fisting accident, it would be your rectum that got injured. I can’t figure out how you hurt your pinky though.

  54. Mike says:

    I more or less figured that if you got hurt in a fisting accident, it would be your rectum that got injured. I can’t figure out how you hurt your pinky though.

  55. prin says:

    Don’t they tell you to take your jewels off for xrays? Always a rebel, moooooog.

    To answer Mike, I’m guessing the pinky didn’t fit and got left out.

    Heal well, you. Good luck. 🙂

  56. prin says:

    Don’t they tell you to take your jewels off for xrays? Always a rebel, moooooog.

    To answer Mike, I’m guessing the pinky didn’t fit and got left out.

    Heal well, you. Good luck. 🙂

  57. meleah rebeccah says:

    I am DYING over the way you used the Silence Of The Lambs guy. My favorite line in that whole movie is “wait was she like a great big fat person”….

    Sorry about your pinky.

  58. meleah rebeccah says:

    I am DYING over the way you used the Silence Of The Lambs guy. My favorite line in that whole movie is “wait was she like a great big fat person”….

    Sorry about your pinky.

  59. moooooog35 says:

    Cookiebitch: Cookiebitch lives?!?!?

    BG: I know.

    Money’s on your dresser.

    Mitch: like I need more therapy

    Smiley: Yes – brass knuckles.

    I moonlight as an Italian mobster.

    Mike: I don’t want to tell you how I hurt it.

    On a completely unrelated note: don’t check your wife’s privates with the light on.

    Prin: Prin’s alive too?!? Huzzah!

    Rebel is my middle name. Rodney Rebel.

    I hate my parents.

    Meleah: Buffalo Bill – possibly one of the best characters ever.

  60. moooooog35 says:

    Cookiebitch: Cookiebitch lives?!?!?

    BG: I know.

    Money’s on your dresser.

    Mitch: like I need more therapy

    Smiley: Yes – brass knuckles.

    I moonlight as an Italian mobster.

    Mike: I don’t want to tell you how I hurt it.

    On a completely unrelated note: don’t check your wife’s privates with the light on.

    Prin: Prin’s alive too?!? Huzzah!

    Rebel is my middle name. Rodney Rebel.

    I hate my parents.

    Meleah: Buffalo Bill – possibly one of the best characters ever.

  61. Anonymous says:

    celeb gossip and more complimentary mental poops

  62. Anonymous says:

    celeb gossip and more complimentary mental poops

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