Would I Lie to You?

Posted: March 4, 2009 in about me, meme


Once again, I’ve outdone myself.

On a side note, if I could ACTUALLY DO myself, I don’t think I’d ever leave the house.

Hey…this penis smells funny!

Sorry.

A thought popped into my head for doing a ‘meme’ the other day.

For those of you who don’t know, a ‘meme’ is the French word for ‘grandma.’

I loved doing that meme.

Man…that bitch was FILTHY.

Wait…wait…

’memere’ is the French word for grandma.

Sometimes I start talking about the wrong things.

Confused, my head is bacon goodness!!

But I’ve digressed.

A LOT.


A ‘meme’ is something that you can do as a ‘post’ when you’re ‘bored’ or ‘out of ideas’ or ‘lazy’ or ‘sexually repressed’ and ‘may want to have sex with ferrets.’

Mmmm…ferrets.

Fuzzy little sexy things.

Regardless, here’s my idea:

List some things about yourself that are true, and some that are a lie.

Here’s the catch:

The items have to be song titles.

There is no – “you have to have five of each” rule…or whatever…if you can only find one song, then just use one song.

Loser.


Today…you get the “Truth” songs about me.

Tomorrow…the horrible, horrible LIES!

Here goes.

Some true things about myself in song titles:

1) Short People

I’m 5 foot fucking 2 inches tall. Not rocket science here, people.

However, I have a reason to live! I don’t wanna die!

There’s so much porn I have yet to see!


2) Mama, I’m Coming Home

Seriously, mom – I’m coming home.

I really need a fucking haircut.

3) I Want Your Sex

Please be advised that I may not know what to do with it once you give it to me.

However, I won’t have it for very long, because I’m….

4) Too Fast for Love

Seriously…

…I’ll have your sex for, like, 3…maybe 4 minutes.

Tops.

Also…to my wife:

Honey, the ‘I second this choice!’ shout out here is totally unnecessary.


5) No Anchovies, Please

Blech.

I hate fish.


If it has a fin, I won’t eat it unless it’s on the endangered list OR it’s a tuna sandwich made ONLY with the following stipulations:

a) My wife made the tuna sandwich

b) The bread is lightly toasted…not too crispy…and DEFINITELY not UNtoasted…that shit’s just plain wrong right there, my friend.

c) It has pickles to kill the taste of the actual tuna

d)It has no f*cking dog hair in it OH MY GOD THERE IS DOG HAIR EVERYWHERE IN THIS HOUSE CAN’T WE JUST KILL THIS FUCKING DOG?!?!


5) I Touch Myself

I’m doing it right now.

My boss is looking at me funny.


6) Detachable Penis

Not true.

YET.

But if I keep doing #5 with the schedule I’m on it’s bound to happen sooner or later.

************************

There you go.

If you’re interested in doing this, have at it.

I don’t tag people ever since I got teased in the 8th grade for actually playing tag instead of smoking pot with the rest of the kids.

This is also why I have “a list.”

Just link back to whoever you got the idea from.

It’s the nice thing to do.

Enjoy.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s