Getting a Hat On

Posted: February 25, 2009 in kids, parenting

It’s winter here in New England.

That means, just like the Groundhog…

I won’t see my penis for six months.

Junk. Hibernates.

I think I may have that analogy wrong.

Whatever. My blog. My rules.


I was dropping my son, Cam, off at Kindergarten the other morning before I left for work.

For those of you without children, “Kindergarten” is where boys and girls:

1) first learn the art of ‘sexual tension’

2) have snack

3) make a ton of fucking shit out of felt

My house is full of felt shit taped up all over the walls.

It’s like the Muppets dressing room fucking exploded.

I’d do Miss Piggy.

I’ve digressed.

As I’m walking my son past one of his girl classmates…it starts:

Cam: “I hate you.”

Girl: “I hate you more.”

Cam: “You smell like pee.”

Girl: “Go fuck yourself.”

Cam: “You know, my dick is so big I probably could.”

Five year olds are funny.

Man…these two are gonna have some mad-ass sex (or mad ass-sex) when they’re teens.

After I was done laughing and congratulating my son on skillfully firing the first shot, I looked up and saw one of their crafts taped to the window of the school.

Here’s what I saw:

Aw. Cute.

The kids had made winter hats and mittens out of construction paper and taped them to the windows.

So, I say bye to my son…

…slap the little bitch he was fighting with in the side of the head when her mom wasn’t looking…

(score one for dad)

…and walk out the door.

Then I hear:

* knock knock knock

There’s on knock on the window behind me.

I turn…

…and see Cam in the window.

He’s doing this:


How he comes up with this shit, I have no idea.

I laughed for ten minutes.

Thanks, Cam.

You started my day off on a good note.

Now go talk smack to that little bitch.

Chicks love the bad boy.


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