My Wife….She Taunts Me

Posted: January 8, 2009 in about me, wife

My wife REALLY REALLY REALLY needs to stay out of my fucking medicine cabinet.

If not for today’s reason, then for this one.

Now…back to our regularly scheduled program:

*****************
Today, on a very special episode of Mental Poo

Erectile Dysfunction.

Ladies and Gentlemen,

I would like to take a break from the usual topics discussed here on “Mental Poo”…

(i.e., lesbians, Scarlett Johansson, imagining Scarlett Johansson as a lesbian, masturbation (see also: lesbians and Scarlett Johansson), and – of course – poo)

…to discuss the pain and stigma of Erectile Dysfunction.


I feel better now.

Back to E.D.

Erectile Dysfunction is a subject that’s close to my heart.

Actually, this is not so much closer to my heart as it is to my taint.

But, whatever.


To help me discuss this topic, I’ve enlisted the sponsorship of a leading speaker on the subject.

Mr. E.D himself.


I know you were probably thinking I’d bring out this guy:


But..seriously…

The guy has ONE working hand. ONE.

Of COURSE no one is going to want to have sex with you, idiot.

Cripples aren’t sexy.

Well…at least OLD GUY cripples.

If Scarlett ever gets the “Tonya Harding Treatment” done to her by a vindictive Sarah Jessica Parker, then this opinion takes a total 180.

(Don’t worry Sarah…at some point, the “long and hideous face” look will be all the rage and Scarlett will be pummeling YOU out of jealousy)


Having just turned the corner at age 40, I can tell you that my Mr. Wiggly has had his share of hardships.

Well…softships is more like it.

Suffering through this has been an emotional rollercoaster for both me and my dog.

I mean me and my WIFE.

Honey, seriously – I meant you. Lexi and I have NOTHING going on between us.

Phew.

I think I dodged a bullet there.


Regardless…In all seriousness, I’ve been fighting this for a while.

Everytime this happens, my wife and I both go through the same thought:

“Rodney sucks.”

Well…besides that.

As much as I tell my wife that it’s not her fault (she is very beautiful, and I love her very much), I don’t think that she believes me.

But it’s not her.

I have no idea what it is.

But it tears at me.

It rips me apart inside.

I feel like less of a man (which is tough when you’re only 5’2″ tall and barely make the criteria for “man” to begin with).


In an effort to squelch this, I’ve turned to the typical prescription pills.

And I also turned to the aftermarket pills…

…the “enhancers” and the “stimulants.”

Some of which work, and some of which do not.

However, I CAN tell you – all of you who suffer from this and the woman (or fruity gay men) who stand by their man’s side…

…that ONE thing, and ONE thing only can help.

It’s support.

The strong support of your loved ones can help this go away.

And so this, folks…

THIS is why I still have this problem.

I opened my medicine cabinet the other day to find…

THIS (click to enlarge):


*sigh*

“Wiggly Won’t Work Pills”

Thanks, hon.

That should help.

You know, the dog wouldn’t do this.

Yeah, I said it.

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