Santa should really see a doctor.

Let me explain.

My wife is a Kindergarten teacher in an inner-city school. To see some of her other wonderful tales, click here and here and here.

She feeds my habit.

Teaching in an inner-city school means that instead of instructing the children on things like “shapes and colors” and “spelling” and “teasing fat kids,” she teaches things like:

1) ENGLISH!! SPEAK FUCKING ENGLISH!!

2) The Best Places to Hide During a Drug Raid

3) Snitchers Ain’t Shit

4) Parenting at Age 7

5) How to do Your Own Cornrows

Ah.

Such a magical age.

Regardless, she handed out a paper that the kids had to fill out about Santa:

The kids simply had to color in a picture and fill out the blanks in this sentence:

Santa’s _______ is _______ .

Simple.

Ugh.

Here’s what she brought home to show me (click to enlarge…(that’s what she said)):


Yep.

Santa’s shit is red.


She’s not sure if the kid was trying to spell “suit” or “shirt”

…or if he really meant “shit.”

This has happened to me a couple of times. But usually only after eating Mexican and having my fifth explosive diarrhea of the day.

Perhaps that’s too much info.

Also…one other time…but that post is coming up.

A “Mental Poo” TEASER!!

But I’ve digressed.

For that red shit, may I suggest a colonoscopy, Mr. Claus?

Either that, or lay off the Mexican.

Unless it’s Selma Hayek.

By all means, then…enjoy.


Merry Christmas you fat bastard.

Hope your bunghole feels better.

Moog out.

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Comments
  1. Mike says:

    mmmm

    lay of the mexican + Selma Hayek = rock hard spaz.

  2. Mike says:

    mmmm

    lay of the mexican + Selma Hayek = rock hard spaz.

  3. HeyJoe says:

    Mmmm, Selma. She’s my favorite Mexican dish. Nice pic. What movie is that from?

  4. HeyJoe says:

    Mmmm, Selma. She’s my favorite Mexican dish. Nice pic. What movie is that from?

  5. Becky..AMHW says:

    My shit’s red too. They gave me pills for it.

  6. Becky..AMHW says:

    My shit’s red too. They gave me pills for it.

  7. Argentum Vulgaris says:

    Hemarroids… that’s the problem!

    Moog, have a Merry Christmas for you and yours…

    AV
    http://netherregionoftheearthii.blogspot.com/
    http://tomusarcanum.blogspot.com/
    http://thingsthatfizz.blogspot.com/

  8. Argentum Vulgaris says:

    Hemarroids… that’s the problem!

    Moog, have a Merry Christmas for you and yours…

    AV
    http://netherregionoftheearthii.blogspot.com/
    http://tomusarcanum.blogspot.com/
    http://thingsthatfizz.blogspot.com/

  9. Kellie says:

    That is going to be the best homework to look back on when that kid is older and can hopefully understand what he just wrote.

    Merry Christmas!

  10. Kellie says:

    That is going to be the best homework to look back on when that kid is older and can hopefully understand what he just wrote.

    Merry Christmas!

  11. Bon Don says:

    Sooo you’re saying Red Shit is Bad?

    Hummm

  12. Bon Don says:

    Sooo you’re saying Red Shit is Bad?

    Hummm

  13. rs27 says:

    I’m shocked that kid spelled “red” correclty. Your wife is doing something right.

  14. rs27 says:

    I’m shocked that kid spelled “red” correclty. Your wife is doing something right.

  15. LiLu says:

    Now I feel all warm and festive inside.

    Oh, wait… that’s not just festivity… excuse me!

  16. LiLu says:

    Now I feel all warm and festive inside.

    Oh, wait… that’s not just festivity… excuse me!

  17. Dr Zibbs says:

    You can tell the kid was about to write something different then changed his mind.

    Why can’t all the kids in the land be normal like me and you?

  18. Dr Zibbs says:

    You can tell the kid was about to write something different then changed his mind.

    Why can’t all the kids in the land be normal like me and you?

  19. Malicious Intent says:

    Red shit…funny.
    I just walked in the door and was told that my brother-in-law is in the hospital and was told he has Chron’s. Yay! The gift that keeps on giving. Merry Christmas indeed!

  20. Malicious Intent says:

    Red shit…funny.
    I just walked in the door and was told that my brother-in-law is in the hospital and was told he has Chron’s. Yay! The gift that keeps on giving. Merry Christmas indeed!

  21. Narm says:

    Have you seen Salma’s tits since she got pregnant? She may be the only person ever to get hotter while preggers.

  22. Narm says:

    Have you seen Salma’s tits since she got pregnant? She may be the only person ever to get hotter while preggers.

  23. Giggle Pixie says:

    That kid must be one of Santa’s favorites. How else can you explain him leaving a shit behind at the kid’s house?

    Lucky little non-English speaking shit.

  24. Giggle Pixie says:

    That kid must be one of Santa’s favorites. How else can you explain him leaving a shit behind at the kid’s house?

    Lucky little non-English speaking shit.

  25. Malach the Merciless says:

    That is wrong, Santa’s poo is striped, where do you think Candy Canes come from?

  26. Malach the Merciless says:

    That is wrong, Santa’s poo is striped, where do you think Candy Canes come from?

  27. LBluca77 says:

    HAHA! Normally I read your blog in the morning with my breakfast, actually you are usually one of the first blogs I read of the day. Yes you should feel speacial!!

    Seriously I was just dying laughing at that picture and “This has happened to me a couple of times. But usually only after eating Mexican and having my fifth explosive diarrhea of the day.”

    HAHAHA I am still dying of laughter. Mostlyt because of what you wrote but a little bit because I have been there with ya about the mexican food.

  28. LBluca77 says:

    HAHA! Normally I read your blog in the morning with my breakfast, actually you are usually one of the first blogs I read of the day. Yes you should feel speacial!!

    Seriously I was just dying laughing at that picture and “This has happened to me a couple of times. But usually only after eating Mexican and having my fifth explosive diarrhea of the day.”

    HAHAHA I am still dying of laughter. Mostlyt because of what you wrote but a little bit because I have been there with ya about the mexican food.

  29. moooooog35 says:

    Mike: Thanks for the visual.

    HeyJoe: What movie? Who cares?

    Becky: They make Viagra for broads?

    Argen…blah blah: Merry X-Mas to you, too. Unless your Jewish. Then..I guess…Happy Thursday!

    Kellie: You don’t know these kids. He’ll never understand that.

    Bon Don: I’m no doctor, but I would say, yes…any color other than brown…greenish brown…or corn color is bad.

    rs27: You spelled “correctly” wrong. OH! THE IRONY!

    LiLu: The men’s room wall also says you feel warm inside. Nothing about ‘festive’ though.

    Dr. Zibbs: Word.

    MI: Wow…he’s gonna have a shitty Christmas.

    Thank you. I’m here all week.

    Narm: I have a fetish for preggo chicks.

    Perhaps that’s too much info.

    Giggle: Worst part was that it was in his stocking. That stuff’s hard to wash out.

    Malach: That’s a Play-Doh Fun Factory scene I have no desire to see.

    lbluca: I DO feel special! Seriously…feel right here.

  30. moooooog35 says:

    Mike: Thanks for the visual.

    HeyJoe: What movie? Who cares?

    Becky: They make Viagra for broads?

    Argen…blah blah: Merry X-Mas to you, too. Unless your Jewish. Then..I guess…Happy Thursday!

    Kellie: You don’t know these kids. He’ll never understand that.

    Bon Don: I’m no doctor, but I would say, yes…any color other than brown…greenish brown…or corn color is bad.

    rs27: You spelled “correctly” wrong. OH! THE IRONY!

    LiLu: The men’s room wall also says you feel warm inside. Nothing about ‘festive’ though.

    Dr. Zibbs: Word.

    MI: Wow…he’s gonna have a shitty Christmas.

    Thank you. I’m here all week.

    Narm: I have a fetish for preggo chicks.

    Perhaps that’s too much info.

    Giggle: Worst part was that it was in his stocking. That stuff’s hard to wash out.

    Malach: That’s a Play-Doh Fun Factory scene I have no desire to see.

    lbluca: I DO feel special! Seriously…feel right here.

  31. Kara says:

    A good friend of mine shit red back in high school after eating one of those red dilly bars from Dairy Queen. It happens. Maybe Santa has a thing for dilly bars. Or just dillys. Mmm… dillys.

  32. Kara says:

    A good friend of mine shit red back in high school after eating one of those red dilly bars from Dairy Queen. It happens. Maybe Santa has a thing for dilly bars. Or just dillys. Mmm… dillys.

  33. Healthy Solutions says:

    Hi happy new year.

  34. Healthy Solutions says:

    Hi happy new year.

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