Dear Moog: Granny Boobs and My Tiny Internet Penis

Posted: November 13, 2008 in Dear Moog, sex


It’s another time for an exciting episode of “Dear Moog”

Where they say that the pen is mightier than the sword.

Believing this ideology is EXACTLY why the Bic company hasn’t won any wars.

Stupid ballpoints. You’d think they’d be able to pierce armor but, instead, they just write all over it.

**********************
Disclaimer:
I am not responsible for any stupid sh*t you do to yourself or others as a result of taking any of my advice seriously. There, I think that covers it.

You’ve been warned.
***********************

Today’s letter comes from one Sriram Lola.

“Sriram” is pronounced like this:

..wha..?

Anyway, Shmeeram writes:

Dear moog,

I have a problem

My girlfriend sent me this message:

“lots of <3"

What does that mean?

I’m wondering if she likes cock that much.

At least she could have gone for <======3 as compared to ❤

What do I do?

*********************

Dear Smegma,

Wow.

It took me the whole letter to figure out that you’re actually a guy. That name could seriously go either way.

The “Lola” part totally threw me off along with the indecipherable first name.

Thanks for the clarification.

On second thought, you could be a screaming hot lesbo, though (hence, the “Lola”).

If so, I have one question for you:

WHAT…NO PICS?!?


Regardless, Sleestak, you actually have me confused as to the symbol.

You see, my phone plan charges 20 cents per text message and – as such – I tell everyone not to text me.

Honestly, if someone sent me a “<3" message, you can damn well be sure that I’d be backcharging that asshole the twenty cents.

I’m a good friend.

I have no idea what “<3" has to do with cock. This thing looks nothing like a chicken.


My best guess, Shwarma, is that it’s a pair of boobs lying on it’s side.

If this is the case, then I’m fairly certain that they’re really really perky…as they’re sticking straight out to the side. This leads me to one question:

WHAT…NO PICS?!?

Sorry.

Given that, I’m not sure why you’d WANT her to send you this:

<======3

Those are some LOOOOOONG boobies.

Granny-style.


Be careful of what you wish.

You don’t want Granny-style boobies, Smear-in-rear, you don’t.

I’ve been there.

I’ve done that.

57 times.

And my Grandfather has never forgiven me.

He can be such a <3.

****************************

There you go! Yet another exciting episode!

I have a “Dear Moog” link on the top right of my page, or you can email me here.


Want bad advice? Want sh*tty answers?

You’ve come to the right place.

Drop me a line.

Moog out.

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