Trippin’ Through Halloween with a F*cking Pencil

Posted: November 12, 2008 in halloween, holidays, kids, parenting

Before I start today, a review of Madagascar 2 over on Moog’s Movie Reviews.

Carry on.

Today, you get my Halloween post.

Yeah – it’s two weeks late.

And, just like Jimmy who ‘cracks corn’:

I don’t care.

As an additional Public Service Announcement, let me say:

Kids, don’t crack corn. It could save your life.

Now – here are some pictures of my kids as we went out on Halloween:

My daughter as the Devil and my son, an Alien.

My son’s mask had these big, googly eyes that he could barely see out of.

I put the mask on for shits and giggles, and everything was yellow and blurry.

Kind of like the time in high school when I woke up from a Quaalude experience in a giant tub of mayo.

Perhaps I’ve said too much.

Me: “Cam, you’re sure you can see out of this mask?”

Cam: “Yep. I can see no problem!”

We headed out…secure in the fact that my son could see fine.

* ten minutes later *

Me: “ out for that ditch!”


Me: “Cam…curb!”


Me: “Cam..TREE!”

Listen, when you have to warn your kid that there’s a THREE FOOT DIAMETER F*CKING TREE that he’s about to walk into, it’s time to take off the f*cking mask.

So, the rest of the night, my son went Trick-or-Treating as “boy in robe.”

Oooooh…it’s a boy…in a robe!! Run away!!

I wasn’t allowed to make fun of him.

Then we got the worst treat ever.

At the second-to-last house we went to, we were greeted by ‘elderly freaky lady.’

Elderly freaky lady promptly dropped into my kids’ bags:

A pencil.


A f*cking pencil?

You couldn’t buy a f*cking Milky Way for my kid?

Listen lady, I have a goddamn drawer full of pencils and pens and glue and all kinds of bullshit at my house already…

…what I DON’T have is a drawer full of f*cking Milky Ways.


F*cking pencil.

My kids get all dressed up, my son damn near gets three concussions trying to see out of this f*cking Vaseline covered googly mask…

…and you give them a f*cking PENCIL?!?

Tell you what…

Maybe I should go home, sharpen it, and come back and stick it in your eye you cheap bitch.

But I’ll wear my son’s mask so she doesn’t recognize me.

Now…where was that tree?


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