Putting the "Wood" in Bollywood

Posted: October 22, 2008 in friends, I'm an asshole, manscaping, work

For your enjoyment, an excerpt of a simultaneous Instant Message conversations between my buddy Rob, and my friend, Kristin.

To set the tone, Kristin is trying to get Rob to come work with us (Kristin and I work together).

We’re also trying to get one of my other friends, an Indian guy, over here as well.

For the sake of protecting the Indian guy’s identity, I’ll call tastefully call him “Boostafa” in this conversation.

Here are the two conversations…and how it manifests into a conversation on Hindu sex.


It’s ribbed, for her pleasure.


Rob: I will think about it

midgetmanofsteel: FYI – Kristin said you have to.

midgetmanofsteel: apparently, my penis is too large and she needs something toned down a bit.

Rob: LOL

Rob: ok….ordering the penis enlargment kit now

Rob: for me obviously

Rob: don’t want you to be too much bigger than me

midgetmanofsteel: I’m ginormous, and now physically fit!

Rob: I bet. Still manscaped?

midgetmanofsteel: smooooooooooooooooooth


midgetmanofsteel: the baby oil your wife puts on really helps.


It’s okay for us to make “well your wife…” jokes…we’re professionals.

Sorry, honey.

Meanwhile…in another IM window…

Kristin: how long does Rob need to think about it?

midgetmanofsteel: it depends on the price of the enlargement kit. You know how he is with money.

midgetmanofsteel: oh…the job…no idea.

Kristin: what did Boostafa say?

midgetmanofsteel: same thing – let me think about it.

midgetmanofsteel: I have no idea how big his dick is.

Kristin: I wonder about those Indians

midgetmanofsteel: wonder about what, their penises?

Kristin: yeah…what the size is

midgetmanofsteel: Do you wonder anything else?

midgetmanofsteel: like…do their condoms look like little turbans?

midgetmanofsteel: do their balls smell like curry?

midgetmanofsteel: if they play a flute, do their pubes uncurl?

midgetmanofsteel: when they ejaculate, does taboule come out?

Kristin: lol

midgetmanofsteel: I wonder what their romance novels are like.

midgetmanofsteel: Gently, he placed his throbbing shawarma into her moist pita pocket. Slowly, he massaged her kafka until he climaxed into a shower of hummous.


Then, we went back to work.

Work sucks.

I need to find a publisher.

“Hot Taboule Showers” will make a killing.


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