Kojak’ing Off – a Retrospective

Posted: September 17, 2008 in about me, manscaping, vasectomy

Well…it’s because he asked.

The other day, Narm from “White Collar Redneck” asked – in a comment – to hear more about why I shave my balls.


Narm is a man.

Narm is a man who wants to read about another man’s pube-free nether-region.

Narm may not actually be a guy.

If he is, he may be THIS guy:

That said, this blog is roughly a year old.

My first nut-shaving post appeared on September 17, 2007.

At the time, I believe I had three readers.

For clarification, I’m including myself in there twice.

So – for all of you who missed it, here is my manscaping post gloriously reposted in High Definition and Surround Sound (Dolby tm).

It has no pictures, so this actually doesn’t mean jack shit.

I hadn’t discovered the joys of mixing “Google Images,” “Microsoft Paint” and “f*cked up imagination” as of yet.



I shaved my nutsack today.

Yep, you read it right.

I shaved my nutsack.

Smooth like a baby’s bum. Except, instead of a bum, it’s a cock and balls.

Now, I know I’m getting three separate reactions out there upon reading this:

1) Guys with hairy junk: WTF, DUDE?!? What’s wrong with you?!?”
2) Guys with smooth junk: “Nice, eh?”
3) Girls: “Have sex with me!”

I can totally understand all three reactions.

The reason I can understand this is because prior to having “smunk” (smooth junk), I had “hunk” (hairy junk), and was proud of it.

Seeing how long you could stretch out one of those short curlies was akin to the people who grow their fingernails to outrageous lengths….I mean, how long can these things grow?

Feet? Yards?

Let’s set a record!

What made hunkage all the more appealing was that these tiny little hairs, all curled up in a ¼ inch bunch, would stretch out to 15 times their normal length…then bounce right back like a slinky to their original shape.

(DISCLAIMER: Kids – do NOT try to walk down stairs, alone or in pairs, using your pubes)

What a wonder of modern science!

All of this growth occurs naturally….no primping, no polishing (well, okay, some polishing), no Miracle-Gro, nothing.

It’s like a chia-pet, except you don’t have to add water.

Plus, with hunkage, you always had that extra bounce factor when having sex…that extra little cushioning that would prevent your actual junk from undo structural or aesthetic damage during the repetition of being beaten, slammed, yanked or pulled…either manually, or with someone.

Think of your pubes as air bags for balls.

I’ve often entertained the idea of going pube-free, but never went through with it.

I’m not completely sure, but it was either the idea of actually taking the full head-on leap into metro-sexuality, or the fear of putting a razor near my dink, that kept me from doing it.

But then came the decision to have a vasectomy, and it made up my mind for me.

Last thought as a side note…the word ‘nutsack’ kept coming up wrong in my Spellchecker.

Am I the only guy who says this?

Friggin’ Word…get with the program.


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