Vatican City Lubrication, Inc.

Posted: August 25, 2008 in vacation

…so many possibilities…

Let me explain:

I live in New Hampshire.

For those of you unfamiliar with New Hampshire, I can tell you it’s in the Northeastern United States, near Canada.

Just basically follow the smell of cow shit and the rotting corpses of tourists lost in the forests after coming to look at the “foliage”…

(foliage = leaves….yes…people come here to LOOK AT F*CKING LEAVES)

…and you’ve stumbled into New Hampshire.


New Hampshire state motto: “Live Free or Die”

How uplifting.


Nothing like mentioning “death” in your motto to attract tourists.

Whereas we’re right next to Canada.

Canada’s state motto: “We have strippers!”


I need to move to Canada.

I’d move not just for the strippers…

…but also for the fact that I’d rather be kept in a dungeon with a ball-gag in my mouth rather than die.

(a typical Tuesday for me)

..as such, I don’t think I fit the patriotic New Hampshire mold.

Live free or die?

F*ck it, dude.

Tie me up and call me “Sally.” What do you need to know?


That being said…

I was driving to work the other day when I passed a truck for a company that sums up life in New Hampshire in one fell swoop.

Here it is:


“New Hampshire Boring.”

Yeah. I think they nailed it.

I started to think of other companies that might also describe their location.


I’m not sure if these actually exist, but here are a few:

1) Oregon Waste Management

2) Hollywood Bleaching

3) Sicilian Fencing and Framing

4) Middle East Demolition


5) Amsterdam Stripping

6) Washington, DC Shit-Shoveling

7) (insert any African country name here) Mating

Also, please refer to the title of this post…

…Vatican City is just WAY too easy:

1) Vatican City Spelunking
2) Vatican City Greco-Roman Wrestling
3) Vatican City Man-Boy Love Association (A Division of NAMBLA)

…the list goes on and on…

Feel free to add your own.

I’m going back to watch lint gather on my carpet.

It’s what we do in New Hampshire for fun when we’re not looking at leaves.

Ugh.

I gotta go find my passport.

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