Just Hangin’ Out

Posted: August 8, 2008 in mental poo looza, poop

Before I start:

I’ve got a movie review of The Reaping today over on Moog’s Movie Reviews.

I’m not sure what a “reaping” actually is…

…but they made a movie of it anyway.

And then I watched it.

I’m so stupid.

Okay…on to my topic:

My wife just called me.

Me: “Hey, hon – what’s up?”

Wife: “I just heard a news story that says you should spend a maximum of ten minutes going to the bathroom.”

Me: “Um..well…I kind of exceeded that by about an hour this morning. And that was just my FIRST shit of the day.”

Wife: “It said that if it takes any longer than that, you risk rupturing your anal veins and getting hemmorhoids.”

I’m not actually sure she said “anal veins” there. But it definitely was some type of ass-related vein term.

Cornhole veins?

Chocolate Starfish veins?

Sphincter veins?

(Holy shit. “The Sphincter Veins” would be an awesome name for a rock band)

I’m positive she said “hemorrhoids” though.

Ten minutes?!?

Jesus H. Christ.

It takes me ten minutes just to get comfortable…nevermind dropping the Cosby kids off at the pool.

Squashing out a loaf in under a half-hour is me making pretty good time.

I actually read Nikki Sixx’s “The Heroin Diaries” COMPLETELY while on the shitter.

This is probably bad news for my friend, Bill – who right now is actually borrowing this book.

Bill: “What the…? What’s on this page…chocolate?”

Booty veins?

Hershey Highway side roads?

What the Hell DID she say?

Doesn’t matter. I had to hang up on her anyway.

I had a big lunch.


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